The connection - New beginnings

Chapter eight - Bad habits

Chase

We sat down next to each other, not close enough to touch but close enough for me to feel the warmth radiating from her. I let the sweet smell of her strawberry shampoo fill my senses as I took a deep breath. I couldn't do this, I couldn't go back down this road. Hell I don't even know if I ever got off it but I knew this wasn't good for me. She'd left, she'd moved on and I had just been here, frozen in time. Waiting.

She let out a small sob and I reigned my thoughts back in. I'd been careful to block her out but I'd momentarily let my guard down.

"Sorry" I apologised knowing she'd heard my thoughts. 

"It's okay. It's not as if it isn't true. I did just leave I guess" she mumbled whilst playing with the sleeve of my jacket she pulled tight around her.

"Why didn't you talk to me last night?" She asked as she looked out onto the water. The truth was I don't really know why I didn't, I saw her in the creek and I felt mixed emotions. I stopped my train of thoughts suddenly.

"Sorry, guess I should probably actually talk...old habits die hard I guess" I smiled at her and she let out a small chuckle. 

"I saw you enter the water and at first I thought I was dreaming. I didn't know you were back, I've been kinda off grid lately." 

"Natalie did mention that" she shot me a worried look.

"Yeah, it's been tough. I honestly didn't know what to do when I saw you. Part of me wanted to run into the water after you but part of me told me I should stay away, that I would just end up with my heart broken again" 

"Guess you chose option two" she shrugged 

"I like to think of it as option three. Leaving you my jacket. I knew you'd know I was there, that I'd seen you" I gestured towards the jacket she had pulled tight across her chest. 

I watched her as she pondered on what I'd said to her for a few minutes. Silence filled the air once again.

"When I saw your jacket I felt an ache in my heart. I hadn't realised until then how much I wanted to see you. Then when I got home and had the phone call, I just wanted you to talk to me so badly. I just wanted to hear your voice" I watched as a single tear ran down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away.

"What phone call?" I asked as I thought over what she'd said.

"I had a call, no one spoke. I assumed it was you? I had one earlier as well?" She turned her eyes to meet mine with a puzzled look.

"Lex I didn't call you" I looked at her confused.

"Oh....must have just been a wrong number then I guess" 

"Yeah" I noticed the disappointment in her expression. 

"You wanted it to be me?" I tentatively asked. She drew her knees up to her chest and nodded.

"I'm sorry Chase, I know I have no right to say that. I hurt you when I left and I can see now that things have been hard for you. I thought you would just move on eventually and be happy with someone else"

"Like you are?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I knew it was true. Nate had told me on one of his brief visits that she'd moved on. She had a boyfriend and that we both needed to get our shit together. But I couldn't. I couldn't forget her.

"I haven't forgot you" she sobbed "I just. I didn't want to keep hurting you, or Nate and leaving was the only way I could think to do that. I couldn't choose, you both meant so much to me. Mean so much to me" she corrected herself.

I slowly reached out my hand and rested it on hers that was wrapped around her knees. "You feel that" I asked as the tingles radiated through our hands "I'm never going to stop feeling like that around you. No matter where you are or who you're with. We have a connection Lex and it's not something I can just turn off and forget about"

I could feel the touch of her skin heat up as I held her hand. The air felt electric around us and I could hear her thoughts loud in my mind. She felt it too, that familiar attraction. The want and desire for each other. Then suddenly it was gone as she pulled her hand away.

"I can't Chase, I've got a boyfriend...I can't" she whispered in defeat.

"Does he make you feel like that. When he touches you, do you feel that desire?"

"Stop it. That's not fair and you know it" she stood up taking a step back from me.

"What is fair? You leaving me? You falling in love with someone else when deep down you know you feel more for me"

"I can't be with you without hurting Nate. I won't do that, he's your brother and I won't be the one to tear you apart. And as for Zac, I never said I was in love...who knows, I'm probably so messed up I'll never be able to love someone again but that doesn't mean I don't care about him or that I don't know right from wrong. He deserves better than for his girlfriend to shack up with her ex boyfriend the second he's not around" she shouted at me.

"You don't love him" I questioned

"Really, that's the only thing from that speech that you are going to hang onto?" She huffed

"I'm not done fighting for us Lex. I don't think I ever will be" I admitted 

She shot me an awkward glance "I can't make you happy Chase. You need to realise that and let me go"

"Is that what you really think, that I couldn't be happy with you? Is that why you left?"

"I left because it was the right thing to do. It was tearing us all apart being here trying to figure a way out for this messed up situation to work. Well guess what Chase. It doesn't, me leaving was the best outcome. Look at Nate, he's happy, he's moved on"

"You've moved on" I cut her off before she could finish. "Are you happy?"

She looked at me with a pained expression "I'm getting there. I'm trying Chase and you really should too" 

I studied her face, the frustrated frown lines as she spoke. Her red cherry lips, those gorgeous brown eyes. I'd missed this, just looking at her. Could I really move on from her.

"Please Chase" she begged in a whisper as I felt the familiar pull towards her. I took a step closer as she remained frozen on the spot unmoving as I stood only inches away from her.

Lex 

I pulled her into my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around her as she did the same to me. We stood there in an unmoving embrace not talking, not overthinking. Just enjoying the moment of having each other in our arms.