The connection - New beginnings

Chapter Thirty six - Saying goodbye

Nate

It had been two days since my talk with Jules and I was going crazy not hearing from her. She'd asked for space to process everything and I'd given it to her but right now I was so close to going back on my word and just turning up at her house. I hadn't heard from Alex, looks like she was giving me space just like I'd asked. I'm sure Chase would have filled her in on how I was feeling anyway. I'd spoken to him yesterday and he'd let me know that Jules had gone to see Alex and that he wasn't really too sure how they had left things but that Alex was hoping they would eventually be able to move past it. I hoped so too, I couldn't even comprehend not having Jules in my life but I also knew deep down that if I continued to cut Alex out of my life that it would likely lead to me cutting Chase out too. I let out a sigh and ran my hand through my hair as I played it all over in my head, how did we get here. Things were such a mess.

A small knock drew my attention away from my own thoughts and I stood from the sofa and walked over to the door to see who it was. Relief flooded me when I saw Jules stood there, a small smile on her face.

"Hey" she spoke softly as I stood frozen in the doorway "can we talk?" 

"Er sure...come in" I croaked my words as I stumbled out of her way to let her in. I couldn't quite believe she was here. Part of me was relieved but that was soon replaced with worry, maybe she was here to end things with me? 

I walked behind her as she headed over to the sofa and sat down, I took the seat next to her and turned to face her, trying to read her expression.

"Thank you for giving me space these past couple of days Nate, I really appreciate it" her voice sounded kind of small and quiet, like she was maybe nervous as well. Very un Jules like.

"Of course, whatever you need" I involuntarily grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, to my delight she squeezed it back.

"Nate I know I've been kind of hard on you, this whole thing with Alex is beyond your control and I know that. The other night wasn't something you initiated and I needed some time to process it all. I didn't really know what to think if I honest" 

My eyes met hers and I could see tears threaten to fall from her beautiful pale green eyes. 

"Jules I'm so sorry, I didn't want any of this to happen. I love you so much" I pleaded, hoping she would understand my feelings for her.

"I know Nate, I know you love me and I love you, but part of you also loves Alex. It may be in a different way but it's still there. I spoke to Alex, she explained things a bit for me and I kind of get it. It's clear you love me and she loves Chase but it's also clear you two will also have love for each other and I'm not sure I can deal with that"

"Jules please" I begged but she raised her hand to cut me off

"Nate I'm not about to throw away our relationship, but at the same time I can't just pretend I'm okay with this whole thing with Alex"

"What are you saying Jules? Just tell me what you need me to do to make this right for you" I pleaded 

"Nate I'm not an idiot I know you can't cut her out of your life completely, Chase is your brother and Alex is his girlfriend. I mean, Natalie has become like a best friend to me this past year but I'm not naive enough to think there isn't going to time that Alex is around all of us...but what I do need is for you and Alex to have some distance. I get she will be around as part of the group, but I don't think I can handle you and her having time together alone"

"Jules I swear you can trust me, I'd never do anything to hurt you"

"I want to believe you Nate I do. I just think it's best for all of us if you and Alex have some space" she looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I knew she wasn't doing this to hurt me and I wanted to give her anything I could to show her I really loved her, that I chose her and not Alex.

"Okay. If that's what you need Jules, I'll only see Alex as part of the group. Other than that our friendship is over. I won't see or talk to her alone anymore" I pulled her into my chest as I spoke, I could feel her body relax under my touch. This wasn't the ideal situation but maybe it was best for everyone. I loved Jules and I didn't want to lose her. Saying goodbye to Alex was something I was willing to do.

************

"I can't believe you are going to go along with this, it's a load of shit Nate and you know it" Chase snapped at me from across the room. I'd called him to update him on the situation with Jules, it wasn't as if I could actually speak to Alex personally and Chase was the next best option.

"Chase I can't just throw away my relationship with Jules, I love her. Are you telling me if the shoe was on the other foot and Alex asked you to stop seeing someone then you wouldn't" he stopped and stared blankly at me, clearly he knew I was right.

"It's just shitty timing, Alex is going through so much and she needs her friends around her right now. I can't believe you'd actually just abandon your friendship after everything we've all gone through" he looked at me exasperated.

"Have you ever thought of what the rest of us need and not just her? Jules needs this, hell maybe me and you need this? Have you thought about that?" I spat back annoyed at his lack of support for my decision.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Chase you're my brother, I may not have come into this town willing to accept that but look at us, we've come so far and that was mainly down to the fact that Alex wasn't around to come between us. Maybe it will be easier on us too"

"That's bullshit at you know it Nate. This is going to crush her, you don't even have the balls to tell her yourself" he looked at me with distain 

"I can't, it's not fair on Jules. I've just promised to stay away from her, how is it supposed to look if I go and run to her after I've promised that I'll stay away?"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have promised it then" he shot me a frustrated look as he paced around the room "I'll tell her for you Nate but let's get this very clear. I don't agree with this, you are kidding yourself if you think this thing is going to work out"

"Well I have to at least try"  I sighed as he shook his head at me before heading out the door and slamming it shut behind him. Was he right, was agreeing to this really a mistake. I guess only time would tell.