My Only Sunshine

Chapter 34

The hospital kept me for testing and observation for 2 weeks. During that time, we learned some incredibly shocking and saddening news. At this point in time, Jax, Happy, Opie, Gemma, Juice, and Chibs were in the room.

"Ms Hale, we are going to continue running some tests. We will need to take some x-rays and we need to know the proper precautions to take. Are you pregnant?" I thought about it, but hesitated. "No." 

"Are you sure? When was your last menstrual cycle?" He questioned me. I thought about it, "I've had a lot going on, so I don't really remember." 

"Let's just do a urine test quickly, just to be sure." I sighed but nodded. 

He helped me get to the bathroom and I peed in the cup with lots of struggles, but I managed. He got me back to the bed and I could tell everyone was nervous. "I won't be long." The doctor stated and left the room promptly. 

"If you are," Gemma started but I cut her off immediately.

"I want Jax to do the paternity test. If the baby is his, I'll keep it. If not, I'm getting an abortion. Don't fight with me on this. I need to know if I'm carrying a rapists baby, provided I am pregnant." She nodded at my words and Jax agreed. 

I sat in the bed while everyone sat on chairs. I was getting nervous when the doctor didn't come back as quickly as I had hoped she would. He came back about 30 minutes later. The longest 30 minutes of my life, admittedly. 

"Well Ms. Hale, you are indeed pregnant. You are eight weeks along." My jaw dropped in shock. 

"No way. How could a fetus survive what I went through?" Was the first thing I blurted out. 

"Many things are possible Ms. Hale." The doctor said.

"Can I get a paternity test?" I asked softly. I was trying to refrain from crying.

"Who are we testing?" The doc asked the guys, which was silly because Jax has been the only one to touch me.

"Me." Jax piped up. The doctor nodded, "Come with me-" He was leaving the room. I couldn't help but blurt out, "Please don't go. Is it possible to get his DNA here?" 

"Ms Hale, I'm sure you can manage for 15 minutes." The doctor stated with a snarky tone. "Come on Mr Teller." 

My heart began to race and my breathing became shallow. "Doc, look at her! She's having trouble breathing!" Jax snapped angrily.

"I'm sure she's faking it." The doctor walked over to me, but I snapped, "Get away from me! Get me a new fucking doctor!" 

Gemma buzzed a nurse. Jax stood by my side, shielding me from the doctor who, for some reason, had something against me.

"Nurse, my daughter in law is having a panic attack and I need a change in doctor immediately." Gemma informed the nurse. 

"Doctor Andrews, it's best that you leave the clients room immediately." The doctor left and I grabbed a hold of Jax's hand. I rested my head against his stomach. His other hand went to the back of my head. 

"It's alright babe, I've got you." Jax reassured me as another doctor entered the room. A pretty female. "Hello Ms Hale, I am Doctor Sanderson, can I call you Hadley?" I nodded at her. 

"Hadley, I can see that Dr. Andrews made you uncomfortable. Can you take a deep breath and tell me why?" She questioned softly. 

"I don't feel safe without Jax. He was trying to make Jax leave for a paternity test." Doctor Sanderson nodded as she scribbled down a note. 

"I understand. Every person deals with their assaults differently and I'm glad you have a safe place. I will get the things for the paternity test and conduct it in this room." She was genuine and caring. 

"Thank you." I said as I began to calm down. Dr. Sanderson left the room and I began losing my mind. 

"I need to get my shit together. If I can't handle you leaving a room for 15 minutes, I'm going to get a rude awakening when you have to leave for club shit." I criticized myself. 

"Ley, you were just gang raped. No one blames you for needing him." Opie said softly. He was being caring but I lost it more.

"I used to not need anyone. I'm weak." I sarcastically laughed at myself.

"I'm a killer Hadley, and I need someone." Happy put in his two cents and I watched as everyone's face changed. No one believed Happy was opening up to me. 

"I need my ma and I need my club." Happy continued. 

"Hap, you don't have to..." I started to talk but Happy refused to let me finish. "You aren't wrong or weak for needing someone. It's life. It's this life we live. Don't be hard on yourself for that." I felt the tears well in my eyes and I struggled to hug Happy. 

"You fucking teddy bear. Making me cry, fucker." I tried to laugh off my emotions. He chuckled and hugged me. "Please don't push us away anymore." He whispered in my ear. 

"Okay, Hap. I won't." I sighed and pulled away from him and sat back down on the bed. The doctor came back in a minute later. "Okay, Mr Teller, I'm just going to take some blood, and then I'll do the same with Hadley. We'll put it through a DNA sequencing test to show whether you're the father or not." 

Jax and I nodded at the doctor and she took the blood from both of us. "The results can take up to a week to come back." I nodded. I had hoped this baby was Jax's. I couldn't handle carrying a rapists baby. 

"How are you sleeping Ms. Hale?" The doc questioned.

"She only sleeps for a few hours at a time. She's been having nightmares." Jax spoke for me. He knew I was going to lie. 

"I see. Even in your company?" She gave me the side eye. I nodded. "I was on my own for a long time, I couldn't depend on anyone. We are in a rocky place even if it doesn't look like it. He makes me feel safe when I'm awake, but when I fall asleep, there's nothing to stop them from coming back, over, and over, and over again." The doc nodded. 

"I understand. This is just a suggestion so you don't have to, but I'm recommending that you talk to someone about what happened. It might help you to understand some things about why it happened and what that means for you in the future. It could lead to you letting it go, eventually." She suggested softly.

"Absolutely not. I don't need a shrink telling me it's not my fault and to let it go. These peop- monsters, did this because they could. I gave them nothing. I didn't even scream when they stabbed me in the fucking leg and they continued. They didn't want my reaction. They just wanted someone to fucking use. They wanted someone to take their emotions out on and I let them. This is their fault. The monster that did this told me that I could tell people who ruined me because they didn't give a shit if I saw their face. I am beyond talking to someone because no one is going to tell me that I won't ever have nightmares again. No one is going to tell me that I won't feel disgusting for the rest of my life. No one is going to tell me that I won't feel the sensation of his fucking hands around my throat because none of it is going away. The moment I passed out from the pain, they smacked me awake. There's no escape. No one is going to tell me otherwise. Not one person can un-ruin me." I let everything out and I knew I had gone too far. But, I couldn't take it back. 

There was nothing I could do to take any of it back. I was raped. I was pregnant. It was all real.