My Only Sunshine

Chapter 36

The next morning, I woke up and immediately my head started spiralling. I was fucked. My head wouldn't shut off and all the words just kept running through my head. Slut. Whore. Skank. Easy. Dirty. Tramp. Tart. 

These words repeated in my head. I realized Jax wasn't next to me. Fuck. I need to get out of here. I got up and got dressed and got my shoes on. I went to the bathroom to take off my makeup from the night before. Then, I grabbed my bag and was about to leave but I heard Jax call out, "Babe? Where are you going?" 

I felt myself panic and felt like I was losing it. "Jax, I-" I just burst into tears. It didn't take long before he had his arms around me. 

"Babe, what's going on?" He questioned, rubbing my back. 

"I'm fucking losing it. We shouldn't have-" A knock on the door cut me off. He pulled away long enough to answer the door and then I was right back in his arms. Happy, Ope, Bobby, and Juice stepped into the house. 

"What is going on?" Ope questioned. 

I couldn't stop myself from questioning, "Am I a whore?" 

"What the fuck? No. Why would you ask that?" Happy asked defensively.

"I slept with Jax but all I can think about is how I should have waited. I'm seriously so fucked up. Sexual assault victims usually have issues with intimacy so there's something wrong with me right?" The guys were shocked that I was sharing this kind of information but I can't get over it. 

"Doll, you are doing what you need. Statistics don't apply to you." Bobby interjected. 

"You love Jax?" Opie questioned me. 

"Of course I do, Ope." I stated in a 'duh' tone. 

"Then it doesn't matter. You're not a whore for sleeping with your old man almost a month after your assault." He told me. 

"But I-" I began, but Juice cut me off. 

"If you slept with Jax, and then Happy, and then me. Then I'd call you a whore. But you slept with your old man Hadley. You know, what they did to you doesn't count right? They assaulted you. You didn't sleep with them." Juice told me softly. 

"Then why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel like I did something wrong?" I sobbed to the guys. 

"Darlin, that's just your head fucking with you." Jax said softly. 

"Little girl, you didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about." Happy chipped in. 

"Okay." I sighed. I wiped my eyes and face, to free it of the wetness. 

"Good morning everyone." Neeta said smiling. 

"Good morning Neeta." Jax smiled at her.

"We have some club business Jax, that's why we came here." Jax nodded and turned his head over to me. 

"You gonna be a'ight babe?" I nodded at his question. 

"I'm going to go back to my apartment to shower and get changed, then I'm going to go and see Gemma." He nodded and looked at the guys. 

"Can we drop her off on the way?" The guys all nodded together. 

"Can I have my job back?" I asked, shyly. 

"Yeah. Anyone has a problem, I'll shove a pool cue down their throat." Happy piped in. Jax smirked and nodded. 

We all walked outside, "Bye Neeta!" I called. 

"Bye sweetie!" She called back to me. I climbed on the back of Jax's bike. They all stopped and even got off their bikes to walk me to my apartment which was sweet of them. We stepped up the stairs and I unlocked the door. I walked in and looked around. A box sat on my coffee table. I tilted my head in confusion. 

I walked over to the box and used my key to cut the tape. I pulled one flap open and then the other and I saw the band merch in the box. I squealed with excitement. My Motionless In White merch had gotten here. When I am sad, I buy band merch. 

"What did you get that has you squealing like that?" Juice chuckled. 

"Band merch! It's my favourite thing other than Jax and Abel." I chuckled as I pulled out the Motionless in White shirt with Chris Motionless' head. I bought another one that read 'Fuck Your Pretty Face' on it. I had also gotten a couple of the crop tops and a few more t-shirts. I bought a couple pairs of booty shorts, a couple pairs of leggings, and a pair of platform creatures heels. 

"You really like these guys huh?" Jax raised his eyebrows. 

"I absolutely adore these guys. I used music as therapy for years and when no one else was there, they were. They never gave up on me or it felt that way anyway." I told them. 

"I'm gonna need to see what you look like in those booty shorts." Jax smirked. I grinned. 

"After your club business, for sure." Jax nodded, "Yeah we should get going. You good babe?" He asked softly.

"Although I hate being away from you, I think I'll manage." I smiled as I began pulling things out of the box. He stepped over to me and kissed me before they all strutted out of my apartment. I took the outfit I wanted to wear to the bathroom, setting it on the bathroom counter. I pulled a brush through my hair and then turned the water on in the shower. I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower. I stood under the water that was hot enough for my skin to turn red. After grabbing the shampoo bottle and squeezing some onto my hand, I lathered it into my hair. Before lathering conditioner into my hair, I made sure the shampoo was rinsed completely. I let the conditioner sit in my hair for a few minutes while I washed my body with a body was that smelled like strawberry and vanilla. 

Once the conditioner was rinsed out and I rinsed off my body, I turned the knob for the shower to the off position. Sliding the shower curtain to the side, I swung my leg over the side of the tub. Grabbing the towel, I began drying myself off. 

After I was dry, I put on a lace black bra and underwear set that I knew Jax loved. I slipped on one of the new crop tops. I slipped on a pair of black, ripped skinny jeans. I put on a pair of black socks and then blow dried my hair. I did my makeup and then finished my hair. I slipped on the new platform ankle boots and my leather jacket, making my way to my bike. 

When I arrived at the club house, Jax and the guys had just gotten out of church. I got off my bike and hung my helmet on the handle bars. I walked over to the picnic tables where they were standing. Clay had told Juice to clean up the explosion and then he saw me. It was like there was a light-bulb above his head lighting up. 

"Hadley." I looked at him and have him the 'what's up' nod.

"If the forensics team shows up, I need you to distract them." His eyes flickered from me to Jax. He was waiting for Jax to get angry. 

"What do you want me to do? Most guys aren't interested in women who look like me." I was confused at his request. 

"Strip, suck their dick, I don't care." Clay snapped. 

"One, I am not your god damn old lady, don't you dare tell me what to do. Two, I'm not stripping or sucking anyone's dick. You ever tell me to do that again and I'll make sure you'll never be able to ride again. Am I fucking clear?" I was calm but my voice showed venom. 

The guys had their eyes wide open and their jaws on the floor. "Hadley, you can't-" Tig started. 

"I can't what? Have control of my own body? Or talk to him like that? Let me be clear, I do not give a fuck who he is, president or not, no one will ever tell me what to do with my body again." I was absolutely livid. 

"She's right." Happy said, which caused Clay to look at him. "She's not a club member. She doesn't take orders. She doesn't have to follow orders. And after her assault, it was unfair of him to tell her to do that." 

"Happy, don't put yourself on a shit list because of me." I tried to remind him.

"I don't give a fuck." He shrugged, causing me to grin. He always had my back. 

"I'll help you distract them, but I am not stripping or sucking anything." I shrugged my shoulders to let them know the conversation was over. Clay nodded and I took a look over to Jax, who was slyly grinning. I knew I shouldn't have given Clay shit. I knew Jax and Happy would be on his shit list. The guys split up after that, and I helped Juice do some cleaning, but I wasn't expecting to get a call later that night from Opie that Jax and the guys had been arrested.