Sweet Revenge

XL

I slammed the car door and started walking towards the entrance of the house, hearing Nicolai sigh behind me but I ignore him.
Passing through the living room and the kitchen I went to my room and once there I locked myself in with my back against it.

I closed my eyes and let myself fall on the cold floor putting my head between my knees, I didn't want to feel anything or hear anyone anymore.

I'm so tired.

I brought a hand to my chest feeling my heart ache.
His voice was shouting at me the same things over and over again. I want it to stop.

Please stop, I can't take it anymore.

I put my hands over my ears to try to disguise his words but it wasn't something coming from the outside that I could simply ignore, no, it was inside of me and I couldn't find a way to make it stop.
I felt my mouth go dry and my throat tighten, I knew I was having a panic attack but unlike the other times I couldn't get up from the floor to take my pills.
This time I couldn't move, I remained in the same position with my hands covering my ears; I could feel my forehead being covered with a sheen of sweat just as my hands were.

Stop! Please just stop.

Two knocks followed by a voice made me open my eyes.
"Kyla... I know I've said this before but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept you in the dark about everything"
Nicolai said on the other side of the door and after a short pause he started talking again.

"Damiano asked if tonight we'll go to his place for dinner so we can explain everything ... but if you don't feel like it I can decline the invitation"
Leaning my head against the surface of the door I took deep breaths trying to calm down and when I was sure that the knot in my throat had eased I answered him.

"No, it's fine"
I said in a weak voice trying to mask the state I was in.
The truth was that I didn't feel like dining with all of them but it was only fair that I gave them the chance to tell their side of the story.

"Okay, when you are ready I will wait for you in the living room."
After a few moments I heard his footsteps get away from the door and being that I was almost completely out of my panic attack I decided that taking a nap would be the best thing; so sighing I slowly got up from the floor and laid down on the bed letting sleep take me shortly after.
******************
"My little sunflower would you mind-"
My mother was saying but was interrupted by one of her coughing fits.

We were at the hospital where my mother had been hospitalized; her brown skin that once shone now almost pale and her full face was skeletal.
"Go get me a nice chocolate... in the cafeteria?"
She asked me leaning her thin hand on the chest and with worried expression and glossy eyes I could only nod because seeing my mother in that condition was about to make me burst into tears and I didn't want to be a burden for her, who was facing such an hard time.

I had to be strong for my mommy, so I made appear a smile on my face and after gently squeezing her hand I left the room with the nurse.
Once at the door my mother sent me one of her sweet and warm smiles, which despite everything, had never abandoned her now dry and discolored lips.

"Do you think my mommy will be leaving this place soon, Lucy?"
I asked, looking up at the nurse as we were heading for the cafeteria.
As soon as my question came out of my mouth her face fell and dreaming down to reach my level she slightly cupped my face giving me a sad smile.

"Your mom is very strong and is trying to fight the disease, she will do her best and so will her doctors"
I nodded at her words but as soon as she got up and took my hand to keep walking my eyes filled with tears and on my lips formed a sad little smile.

You didn't answer my question, Lucy.

Even though she avoided my question, I understood.
I understood that my mom wouldn't make it and it destroyed my little heart.
"I have to go to the bathroom, Lucy"
"All right, you want me to come with you?"
"No I got it."

That said I turned around, but instead of going to the bathroom I went back to my mom's room.
I wasn't going to go in but I just wanted to look at her, to know that for now she was still there.
Once I got there I hid behind the door and peeked inside the room but instead of finding her alone I saw that my father was also there and had his face resting on her legs while...crying.

"Please... I can't do this without you."
My father said in between sobs, tears silently falling on her face as well who was caressing her hair in her usual sweet way.
"I'm tired Joseph. I can't take it anymore... it hurts too much.
If only I could change things so I could pass the rest of my life with my two loves I would do it in the blink of an eye. "

She said in a weak voice that was not the one I was used to hear.
"But I can't change the course of things.
Just promise me you'll be there for her ... always "
At those words his head lifted.

"I can't... I won't be able to love her, I just want you to stay. I need you to stay Sarah."
At those words my chin began to tremble and big drops of tears rolled down my cheeks.
I ran away before hearing something else that would've tear my heart apart even more, when I arrived in an empty corridor of the hospital I sat with my back leaning against the wall and I cried.
I cried so hard for hours that I could hardly breathe.
*****************
I woke up from my nap with my hand clenched on my chest and an unbearable emptiness.
I hadn't had this dream in years and remembering that moment, which was one of the ugliest, hurts.

Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I reached out to the bedside table and checked the time, seeing that it was already evening I decided to go wash and start getting ready.
Groaning I got out of bed and started to undress leaving my clothes on the floor, I would have collected everything later.

Once out of the shower I put on my usual white musk and rose scented lotion and went back to my room with the towel still wrapped around me.

Since I had also washed my hair and did not have the time, nor the desire, to dry it, I opted for a fairly simple hairstyle; I did the parting in the middle and used the gel on both sides of my hair and then tied them in a bun and left two strands falling.
Then I started thinking of something easy to put on.

Since dinner was going to be at home, I chose low-rise jeans and a t-shirt that left part of my abdomen uncovered.
As shoes I chose my white and gray Jordans, put on my rings, sprayed my perfume that was matched with the body lotion and quickly cleaned the room before leaving.

I went down the three steps to go to the living room where I saw Nicolai already sitting with his head thrown back against the sofa sleeping.
Seeing that the television was on, I approached and took the remote control turning it off but just when I was about to put it back in its place I felt two hands resting on my hips so I turned around seeing Nicolai who had woken up in the meanwhile.

He looked at me with eyes still clouded with sleep and then asked me what time it was.

"It's almost half past eight. We should go."
I said looking away and then, even if not immediately, I walked away, causing his hands to fall from my hips; he nodded, getting up and taking the keys from the kitchen counter.

He opened the door for me and let me go first.
"You smell good bellissima(beautiful)"
He said in a deep, still hoarse voice caused by sleep, and I felt my cheeks blush slightly.
I said nothing before going out and heading to the car with him trailing behind me and with one last sigh I got in the car ready to face all three of them.