hyunjae
😳🎁🥍❤️🔥🍗🦕
I'm considering running away and never coming back. I could live with my Aunt who has a small house on a farm. I'd throw away my phone, never talk to anyone ever again and just work on the farm forever.
Why? Because everytime I see Sola I die a little bit inside of guilt. I know, I know, it seems worse to ignore her especially after everything that happened last night.
But if I try to explain why I left so abruptly I'll end up spilling that it was all because of a bet. And yeah, that'd be telling the truth. But that's not why I like her. That's not why we slept together.
But hell, I wouldn't even believe myself. After everything I put her through.
And wouldn't her knowing about the bet hurt her even more than losing me? The thought of her being involved, even just being around my friends, makes me sick. The way they all stare at her as if they just want to take her for themselves. The inappropriate jokes they'd probably make around her, the things they'd say, what they'd tell her about what happened in my freshman year.
A shiver runs down my spine just imagining it.
So when I look back a few seconds after we've passed her in the lobby, my heart drops even more. She's looked away by now, but she looks on the brink of tears while talking to Sunwoo.
At this point I realize another reason why I can't talk to her. Just that I don't deserve her. Sure it was my friends who threatened me and I felt peer pressured to do it. But at the end of the day I'm still the one that hurt her, not any of them.
Just as I begin to round the corner into the hallway, I see Sunwoo look up and he makes eye contact with me.
With one second of a glance I can tell he's already gathering the weapons and preparing a hole in his backyard for my body. Understandably so. But this makes me reassured-kind of- that Sola has someone like that in her life. Someone I could never be because I've spent so many years pretending to be someone, I'm only now discovering who I actually am.
She shouldn't have to deal with my problems or my friends. I definitely don't deserve her.
sola
😎📖💚🥞🌞🐙
I'm glad to be leaving the snowy mountains. Honestly I just want to leave this hotel after everything that's happened. I had the greatest highs and the worst lows here, and I'd rather it go back to how it was before.
Normal. Boring, but normal.
"You okay?" Sunwoo asks for what has to be the twentieth time just this morning.
We get in line for the bus wrapped in warm jackets and gloves.
"Yeah." I say. "I'm just glad we're going home."
He hums in agreement.
"Thanks for coming by the way. I know you didn't want to and I know it didn't turn out how I thought it would, but still." I say.
"Sola you're my best friend, I'm glad I came so that I could be here for you." Sunwoo answers and sticks his hands in his sweatshirt pocket.
"Because I'm an idiot that makes horrible decisions," I sigh as we find seats in the middle of the bus.
"I'd use the term dumbass but yeah," he teases.
"Tch," I scoff.
Sunwoo stands back so I can sit by the window and then sits next to me.
"Are you going to talk to him?" Sunwoo asks. He whips his phone out and begins playing a game.
I shrug. "I don't know."
"I'm predicting now that your curiosity will get the best of you," Sunwoo says.
"Probably." I agree.
I see Hyunjae's head pop into the bus and he makes his way down the aisle. I slump down further in my seat as if that might hide me.
But there's no point in doing that, because he doesn't even look in this general direction, he just seems to be staring at the floor.
"If it makes you feel any better, he looks like shit," Sunwoo says to me.
I hate that that doesn't make me feel better.
__
"Did you have a good time?" My mom asks. It was a complete surprise coming home and her being in the house.
Of course, she's just on her way out again. My parents are back to grab a new set of clothes and then they're flying off to the states this time.
"Yeah," I say. I set my suitcase down and I unzip it to throw my clothes in the washing machine.
My hands stop when I see Hyunjae's shirt buried inside. I guess I never returned it to him from that night.
I sigh, because great, now I'll have to give it back somehow.
"That's a nice shirt," My mom says, who is also doing a load of laundry from her trip. "Is it new?"
Her asking that makes me choke up. Not because I miss him or anything, but because it sounds as if she'd stay long enough to listen to me, to be here for me.
But then the front door opens and we hear my dad yell, "The plane leaves in an hour, love, we have to go!"
"Ah," My mom shuts the dryer. "We've gotta jet, but we'll catch up soon okay?"
"Okay," I answer.
She runs around the house gathering things last minute. "We got a souvenir for you, it's on the kitchen table!" She yells and then shuts the door.
The house rings with silence as I put my clothes in the washing machine. I stand up and I head into the kitchen where there's a bag on the table.
I pull a box of candy out of it. They're lollipops with some foreign language on it. It reminds me of him so I shove it back into the bag and I blink away any trace of tears.
