sola
😎📖💚🥞🌞🐙
It turns out you can't play in the snow without doing things close to sports. Sunwoo and I end up chasing each other around and throwing snow at each other and rolling down hills.
It was honestly more fun than sitting inside like we usually do, but we're both exhausted. As we head inside to grab dinner, I see a group of people skiing and snowboarding down the hill. They begin taking their gear off and Hyunjae reveals himself as he unstraps his helmet.
I'm not going to lie to myself, he looks good with the snow goggles.
Hyunjae raises his hand as if he's about to wave to me, but then a friend of his grabs and pulls him in the opposite direction.
"I'm so tired," Sunwoo says and I turn my attention back to him. "I haven't done that much exercise in—ever."
"I don't think I've ever used so much arm strength," I agree.
The two of us eat a quick dinner and then we go to his room with the plan of watching a movie, but we both fall asleep early on, when it's still light outside.
—-
I jolt awake.
The window tells me that it's night, and I check my phone.
2 am.
I get off the bed and I drape the blanket around Sunwoo who is sleeping peacefully. I tip toe out of the room and close the door quietly.
When I turn around I see the boy that's been on my mind a lot lately. He's wearing sweatpants and a black shirt.
"I always seem to run into you," Hyunjae says. "It's fate no?"
"What are you doing here?" I say.
"I went downstairs to get a water," he answers.
It's not awkward, but there's a strange feeling in the air. The only sound is the buzzing of the ice machine down the hall.
"So...." He says. "Why are you up so late? There was no party."
I stretch my arm. "I fell asleep at like 7 and now I'm not tired I guess."
"Ah. Me either." He says. He seems to contemplate something for a while before he says, "you want to come into my room?"
"Sure," I shrug.
We walk deeper into the hall and I notice that his hair is getting a little wavy now, I guess the straightening iron is wearing off.
He slides his card into the knob and the door opens.
"I don't have a roommate, by the way, he ditched at the last minute."
I answer with a hum and my pulse races a bit faster knowing I'm in his room.
"I uh, I saw that you went outside today," Hyunjae says. He sits on the edge of one of the beds and pats the spot next to him.
I take a seat and I say, "Yeah, it was actually fun."
"See? Sometimes I'm right," He says. "I was gonna go over there and talk to you guys but I kinda got dragged away."
"I saw," I say. "Not going to lie, your friends kinda suck."
"I'm aware," Hyunjae laughs, but his laugh is painful.
"Is that why you've kept talking to me?" I blurt out.
"What?" He asks.
"I mean, you're you and I'm me. We really have no intersection at school whatsoever. I kinda thought you'd stop talking to me after I fell over your desk that one time," I say.
"Maybe I just like you as a person," He answers simply. "Maybe I think you're funny and you're just genuine. I don't get to know a lot of genuine people like you."
I pause. He says that so quickly as if that wasn't just the best compliment I've ever received.
"I guess your friends have really set your standards low then," I shrug it off.
Hyunjae tsks. "You don't see yourself how I see you then. Honestly people always reach out to me, always text first, always start the conversation, but you.... it's just different. Hard to explain."
"Y-you don't have to," I say. I feel my face growing warm because it feels like he's taken the time to think about these things. It makes me feel special to him, even as an outsider to his world.
"Why don't you like compliments?" He asks and nudges my shoulder.
"Nobody takes compliments well," I nudge him back.
"I do."
"Maybe you're just narcissistic then."
"Damn."
I laugh, "Maybe it's because I don't receive compliments often."
His face turns a bit more serious, and his smile fades. "Has no one ever told you that you're pretty?"
That takes me by surprise. I mean, pure shock. All I can do is shake my head, tell him it's not true.
"You're pretty." He says.
Oh god. My stomach. I almost stand up as if I'm about to throw up, but then I realize it's butterflies.
"You're just saying that," I answer.
"You don't believe me?" he asks.
"You're looking at me wrong then," I add. It's true though. I've never been called pretty in my whole life. It's not that I'm not confident in myself or I have low self esteem. It's just not how I was raised--I wasn't raised to think I was pretty.
My mom doesn't care much about appearances, but rather who we are from the inside. And I never even tried to compare myself with girls at school because I know they spend thousands of dollars on makeup and plastic surgery.
"Hm," Hyunjae says. He leans closer and closer, and I feel his hand slide up right next to mine. Our fingers are touching and my body hyperfocuses on the skin on skin contact. "I'm seeing you more up close than anyone has ever seen you. You're pretty because I can tell it's you. Everyone else carries a fake version of themselves, they cover their faces because they're afraid of being judged. But not you."
I swallow as his face gets an inch away from mine. I can smell the sweet candy in his mouth.
I find myself leaning closer to him as well, as if I just can't get enough of him. I blink, when I realize I want even more.
The way his eyes flicker down my face, and the way he takes the lollipop out of his mouth makes me lose myself in his presence. The room around us seems to melt away, the whole world melts away.
Before I can get the chance to ask him if he feels this same way when we're this close, he closes the gap in between us.
First I feel his soft lips on mine, then his hand on the side of my face. In the beginning it's gentle, a questioning kiss to test the waters. And then I feel his other hand on my waist and I deepen the kiss as I gently grab his hair. It's soft, just how I imagined it to be.
I feel breathless and my whole body feels warm, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never wanted to know or see someone so badly.
I feel myself lifting the corners of my shirt, and we both freeze, surprised by my action. I surprise myself as well.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
I nod and he crashes his lips onto mine again, as if he's been waiting to do that. It's the burning passion I've read about in books and witnessed in movies. But it feels so different to feel for myself, I need more.
He gently pushes me back and I feel the bed beneath me that he cages over. But more so I feel his lips on the side of my neck, on my collarbone, leaving burning warmth in every touch.
I remember every moment of that night, I still do. Thinking it was the best night of my life. And at that time, it had been.
I had etched every detail, every touch, and every move into my mind, because that had been the first time I had felt new feelings in a very, very long time. But those feelings are between me and him--not to be shared out loud
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