sola
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Try to think of a more awkward situation.
It's me and Hyunjae, and technically Sunwoo, waiting in the school nurse's office. I say technically because my best friend is actually unconscious right now.
The school nurse insisted on us waiting as well in case we were hurt, but this is doing more damage just sitting next to him. We stare at Sunwoo lying in the bed looking on the verge of death.
Hyunjae clears his throat. I can tell he's just as nervous as I am, he's chewing on just the stick of a lollipop and staring straight ahead.
I can't help it. I need to know what happened because my self-consciousness is eating away my insides.
"Can you at least tell me why?" I ask, very quietly.
His breath hitches.
When he doesn't say anything I begin to get annoyed. "Why would you do that?" I ask. "Is that what you like to do to people? I opened up to you. I trusted you and you had me thinking you were different from them."
"...I'm sorry." He whispers. His voice is shaky, and I wait for him to say more but he doesn't.
"That's it?" I say. "That night was a big deal to me, Hyunjae. It may not be the same for you but... how could you just leave? And talk to your friends like I was just some experiment?"
"....that's because you... it-it was." he says quietly.
I furrow my eyebrows. "What was?"
"It... it was a bet. My friends and I made a stupid bet that I could hook up with you."
Those words ring through my ears like nails on a chalkboard. I feel my stomach drop, and everything I had been feeling the past few days get a lot worse.
"But I swear to you, on my life, that I'm not like my friends." He says. "I knew I couldn't just pull you aside one day and sleep with you, so I started with becoming friends. But the more I got to know you the more I knew I liked you. For real. E-except I didn't want you to find out that it started with a bet because I figured that would hurt more than anything else...So I went with the other option and I thought that if I pretended it didn't happen that you'd forget about me and you'd never have to know."
There's a long silence in the air. I don't know what to say because I'm not sure if I fully understood him just now. I can't believe him when he says he's not like them, because his actions speak differently from his words.
I feel the taste of blood when I realize I bit my lip too hard.
"You really think I'm that dumb?" I ask finally. "You think that you could just ignore me and pretend nothing happened and I would move on and forget about you?"
"I know, I know. Now I realize how stupid that plan was. You deserve better, Sola."
"...I know that." I say sharply. "I know I deserve better and I don't need you of all people telling me that."
Hyunjae nods slowly. "I understand."
I want to say so many things. I want to yell at him and swear all the things I've been keeping inside. But when I see his face I see the expression of someone who isn't okay.
He's right, he's not like his friends. I'm choosing to believe that he is the same person who would tell me secrets about himself, how he's been faking his personality to people at school. I know him better than they ever will, so I know he's swimming in regret right now.
But just because I'm accepting him as a person doesn't mean I have to forgive him.
"I really liked you." I say quietly. "You're the first guy I ever really liked."
I can tell hearing that hurt him. His face goes pale and I suddenly notice the dark circles under his eyes, as if he hasn't slept in days.
But he stands up, his eyes glistening. "I'm sorry Sola. You don't have to believe me, and you definitely don't have to trust me. But I really like you too, and I didn't mean for it to turn out this way....and that night, it wasn't about the bet. It was just about you and me, and I'm sorry that I fucked that all up."
He waits a few seconds for my response, which never arrives, so he slowly walks out of the nurse's office. I hear the door softly close and the sound jolts Sunwoo awake.
"Ow, fucking hell," He groans as he slowly sits up, clutching his head.
"Thank god," I leap forward and I hug him tightly.
I can tell he's surprised at first, but then he hesitantly wraps his arms around me as well.
"I'm alive," he says and pulls away.
"And you're a fucking idiot!" I smack his arm, more lightly than usual because he looks on the brink of collapse.
"Ow! what the fuck??" he says. "i'm literally bruised all over."
"You didn't have to be!"
"I was trying to protect you!" He argues.
I sigh. "Fine, you win. But I don't want you getting in any more fights. You might actually die if you take another punch."
"My body hurts more than any time in my life. Ever." He says, holding his arms out stiffly.
"Yeah, you blacked out after one punch to the eye." I say.
"Oh sick, did I get a black eye?" He asks.
I take out my phone and he looks in the reflection.
"it does look kinda cool," I say.
"Hell yeah it does!" Sunwoo checks himself out in the mirror.
"You're still a dumbass though." I say. "You got more hurt than Hyunjae did."
"Are you shitting me?"
"No, he's got a few scratches on his arm and one on his forehead but that's it." I say.
"Dammit."
A moment of silence fills the air, when we're probably both wondering how we got here. Sunwoo in a fight with the most popular guy at our school?
"So... have you guys talked?" Sunwoo asks.
"Kind of," I say. "You know, while you were dead for a little bit. He just apologized and he seemed really sad about it."
"Well good," Sunwoo says. "Does he even know how rare it is for you to let someone in like that?"
"No I didn't tell him about the thing. And I'm glad I didn't. Doesn't seem like he's particularly good at keeping secrets."
"yeah, tell me about it."
"And I don't know, the way he's acting is kind of unsettling. like he actually cares." I say. "It's weird."
"Well if he's gonna be a fake bitch about it with his friends then tell him to stay the fuck away." Sunwoo frowns.
"I don't think we're going to talk anymore anyways. I mean we have no reason to," I shrug.
Sunwoo sighs. "For what it counts, I'm sorry that I was right about him. He doesn't deserve you."
I force out a laugh, "We might have to go with our marriage pact after all."
"...yeah, but that wouldn't be so bad, would it?"
