sunwoo
🙄🦝⚽️💔☀️🍓
I raise my phone to my ear to listen to the voicemail.
"Hey, son, look I don't know if you've been getting my calls, or my texts.. or my emails, but I wanted you to know that I'm gonna be in town soon and-"
I shut my phone off. Not this bullshit. Why now? why come back years after you tore our family apart? And why do you say 'in town' as if this is your town. Because according to me, this place is not your home. You don't get to abandon your wife and son and then come back as if you still belong.
I start to text him that, but a loud whistle next to my ear makes me jump.
"Sunwoo, this is your first game as team captain and all you're gonna do is stare at that phone??" Coach yells.
"Sorry," I mumble, putting it in my dufflebag.
I jog to the field to join the rest of the team as they run laps.
I glance over my shoulder and there she is, just like she said she'd be. sola is sitting amongst the crowd filled with students and families. Last year she went to every one of my games because she knew my mom wouldn't go.
My mom used to come to my games when I was younger. I haven't seen her socialize in a year, and I don't blame her. She's in a dark place that I understand now.
Sola waves and I wave back. There's her smile that she always gives to me. It's different from the one she gives Hyunjae, and I don't know if that reassures me or not.
The ref calls everyone over and we start the game.
At first it goes smoothly, I play as if I'm not actually here. Lately I've been feeling strange, like I'm living my life but someone else is controlling me. It's as if I'm in a video game. I just feel disconnected from everyone and everything I do, like I'm on autopilot.
I score three goals just in the first half, and everyone pats me on the back and tells me good job. but none of this means anything. It only means something when she says it.
When the second half begins I jog to the left side of the field and I make the mistake of looking at the people in the bleachers.
In the very back row I see someone. At first I don't know if it's him. When I squint I know for sure, it's my dad.
It turns out that by 'soon' he meant really soon. Too soon. The first thought is if my mom knows he's here.
I feel myself losing focus in the game. Our eyes meet and I feel anger, just pure anger. How can he stand there, smiling as if he's doing me some favor by being here? As if I need him cheering me on?
My eyebrows furrow and just when I think I might scream out loud, I feel someone's foot sweep my leg and I lose balance. I slip on something and I feel myself falling. It feels as if I'm falling down past the grass. Down, down, and everything goes black for a second.
It hurts like hell. Everything hurts. But this blank space, it feels good. Like I've disappeared off the face of the Earth. It feels really good.
sola
Everyone on the bleachers stands up and cranes their neck to see my best friend, on the floor. At first I panic, and then I feel my legs hopping down the bleachers and running towards him.
I don't even know if I'm allowed to be on the field, but I cross the boundary line anyway.
The ref and a few of his teammates rush forward as well, but I get there first. I kneel next to him and it reminds me of that night we stayed over at the school. He's had a stressful expression for days now, like something is terribly wrong. I've tried to get him to talk to me but he won't, he just wants to talk about regular things.
