sola
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"Okay girl I'm freezing my ass off here. Let's go inside," the girl who introduced herself as Nari tosses her cigarette into the snow.
She grabs my shaking arms and leads me inside the warm lobby. By now people are too busy eating breakfast to notice us as we slip up the stairs.
"Where's your room?" She asks. "Do you have any actual friends you can trust enough to talk to?"
"Y-yeah," I say.
"Okay which room?" She asks. I point to Sunwoo's and she leads me down the hall. Nari knocks on the door and we hear him yell '0ne second'.
A few moments later the door opens. Sunwoo's usual morning grumpy face morphs into worry as soon as he sees my shaking legs.
"What the hell happened??" He asks, running a hand through his messy hair.
"I'll leave you two." Nari says and just before she walks away she says, "and Sola. You're a sweet person. Don't let him take that away from you."
Sunwoo pulls me into his room and closes the door.
His roommate comes out of the bathroom with a confused look seeing the two of us.
"Can you leave?" Sunwoo asks bluntly.
"Why? It's my room." The roommate says.
"I said leave. Best friend duty calls," Sunwoo glares.
His death stare is enough to scare the roommate off and he slams the door.
"Okay what the hell happened??" Sunwoo asks.
I bite my lower lip. I want to tell him I really do, but what is he going to say? Sunwoo has been warning me from the beginning. I don't want to feel any more dumb than I already do.
"Sola." Sunwoo says. "You can tell me. I don't think I've seen you this shaken up since-"
"I slept with Hyunjae." I blurt out.
But then again he's my best friend. I trust him.
"You... you what?" He asks with disbelief.
"I-I slept with Hyunjae and I woke up and he left with his friends without a word and I heard them talking," I choke up and I cant say anything further.
"...what did they say?" Sunwoo asks with a surprisingly soft voice.
"Just that- he acted like it was no big deal and brushed it off, he said I wasn't any good," I burst out into tears again realizing how pathetic I feel.
"Sol," Sunwoo whispers. I cover my tear streamed face with my hands and he engulfs me in a tight hug.
He doesn't do this often, which is part of the reason why a giant weight lifts off my shoulders knowing I still have him.
I cry into his shoulder for I don't know how long, until my legs get tired of standing and I sit on the floor.
Sunwoo sits in front of me. His dark eyebrows are furrowed and as much sympathy as he shows me I know he feels more anger.
"I really thought I meant something to him," I scoff. "I thought he was different from them."
"I know you did," Sunwoo says.
"I don't want to feel this hurt," I say quietly. "It's embarrassing."
"...no guy should ever make you feel that way. Ever." Sunwoo says firmly. "That fucking shit faced asshole doesn't deserve to see motherfucking daylight again."
"I know you hated him from the start and you were right and all but please Sunwoo, I just need you here right now." I whisper.
Sunwoo let's his guard down a little and sighs. "Of course. I'll always be here for you Sola. You know that."
I nod and he opens his arms once again, and again I lean on him like my life depends on it.
—-
"Was it... were you safe?" Sunwoo asks.
"Yes, Sunwoo for the fifth time." I say. "Just focus on the movie."
"Okay."
Just as I feel his body begin to relax against me he says, "are you sure? Did he hurt you at all, did he ask you permission first?"
"He hurt me Sunwoo. Emotionally." I say.
We've been trying to watch a movie by the fireplace in the lobby but my best friend can't go two minutes without asking me a question.
"I swear to god I'm going to fucking-"
"Just let it go." I say. "I don't know how I want to handle this yet, all I want right now is to just watch this movie with you."
"Okay fair." Sunwoo says.
He presses play on his phone again and I rest my head on his shoulder as we keep warm by the crackling fireplace. Most people are inside their rooms because the snow and temperature outside is at a point where it's uncomfortable.
Just as we become immersed in the plot, a group of loud boys comes out of the dining hall door.
"Don't look." Sunwoo says, but I looked already. It's him.
"Maybe we're jumping to conclusions." I say. "Maybe I misheard everything and he's going to come over and check in on me and say the decent things people do after hooking up, right?"
"Hm, do you want my honest answer or....?"
"Not really." I say.
"Come on what happened to the pessimistic Sola I know and love?" Sunwoo asks. "Just ignore him."
"Just once," I promise. "I just have to make sure."
The group of boys walks by, all shouting and Hyunjae just walking along with them. His face looks more pale, almost like he's sick, and I can tell he's forcing his smile right now.
"Hyunjae," I call out.
It was quiet enough so that his friends wouldn't pay any attention, but loud enough for him to hear.
I see a small falter in his step. The smallest shift of his eyes while his throat struggles to swallow. I know he heard, I know his whole world stopped for a second when he heard me.
But he didn't stop. He didn't even make eye contact with me, not like how he used to just seek my eyes out in a crowd.
As he continues walking with his friends my suspicion is confirmed, and yet it still stings.
"What a fucking shitty ass rusty wrench! How could he just ignore you??" Sunwoo asks.
"I...I don't know." I say.
What I would give to know what he was thinking just now.
