SHE AIN'T LIKE A SISTER NO MORE

Chapter 54 ~ "Ryan, let me go!"

JEN

I can't move. I literally feel as though my legs won't work and I'll fall flat on my face if I try and take a single step. But I know that if I don't move my ass as soon as possible, I'm going to have to face him.

I knew the day would come sooner or later, but I was thinking more years from now. Maybe Chase's wedding day or Patties 50th. Not now. It's too soon. It's all too fresh, the wounds still wide open, nowhere near healed.
"Ryan, let me go." I whisper.
"Jen, don't do this! Please don't run away! This can all be better! It will all be fixed." He whispers, still holding me tight, his lips pressed against my forehead.
"Please, please... just let me go!" I beg again, fighting out of his hold.
"No, this has gone on long enough! You two need to get your shit together. I've had enough of this shit. You're meant to fucking be together! You two are fucking made for each other, and you're wasting precious fucking time with this shit! Please stay Jen!" He begs in return, reaching out and capturing my hand, holding me in place.
"I can't Ryan. You have no idea! I can't see him. Not now, not ever! Please don't make me." I desperately beg, my whole body trembling, knowing he could walk through the door any second.
"Please Ryan just let me go!" I frantically push him away, and soon realize I'm hyperventilating.
I grab my keys and bag from the dining room table and run out the door and to the car as fast as my shaky legs will carry me.
"Please start, please start." I beg of my piece of shit car that decides not to work whenever it damn well likes.
I'm bouncing up and down in my seat due to the sudden severe anxiety that's just taken over.
"Thank fuck!" I whisper when it starts. Then mumble "good girl" just to be safe. The last thing I need is for it to decide to shit itself because I've cursed at it.
I quickly slam it into reverse and I'm gone. I don't look back, I only concentrate on a few feet in front of the car.
With tears streaming down my face, I soon realize I'm driving in pitch black without headlights.
"Fucking stupid bitch." I sob to myself.
I take a few corners and then pull over.
I bring my knees up under my chin, folding in on myself and rocking back and forth. I'm a freezing cold shivering mess, and all I can hear is his beautiful voice bouncing around in my head.

JUSTIN

I can't drive there fast enough. Yes, I'm driving. It was only a couple of shots and a beer, I've done much worse.
Plus, my senses are incredibly heightened, knowing that I'm going to see her any moment. My hands won't stay still on the steering wheel, nervously tapping away to the beat of the song.
Fuck, why the fuck is that so loud?!
I reach over and turn the stereo down so that I'm capable of thinking.

Will she have missed me so much that she'll run straight into my arms? She hasn't text or called for a good three months now. I was pretty fuckin' nasty to her in those texts I replied with. I wonder if she'll understand that it was all a defence mechanism? That I needed to say those things to start the process of getting over her? Ha! As if that fucking happened.
I wonder if she'll forgive me for the fact Chase and Chaz basically sided with me?

Will she appreciate the fact that I told Ryan to look after her and make sure she was okay?
Mia...fuck! What will Jen think about her? Fuck, fuck, fuck!! How the fuck am I supposed to explain Mia?!

Suddenly I'm regretting having needs, and regretting just wanting my dick sucked occasionally.
I see a car pulled over on the side of the road, half up the curb and headlights still on. I contemplate on stopping, like I usually would, to see if they need to borrow my phone or whatever.

I'd never forgive myself if I didn't stop, and then saw the car later on the late night news for something to do with kidnapping, rape or murder.

This time I quickly decide I don't have the time to spare, and press my foot down a little harder on the gas pedal.
Shit...what if she doesn't want to see me at all?!
Holy fuck...what if she never forgives me?!
I feel my heartbeat quicken, my anxiety reaching extreme levels now.
"Fuck!" I groan, feeling through the middle console, searching for my pills.
Finding them deep down the bottom, beneath a few cds, I pop the lid and swallow two. I contemplate taking a third, but decide otherwise. I don't want to be high as a fucking kite when I see her for the first time in forever.
Another two minutes, and I'm finally pulling into Ryan's driveway. I jump out, run to the door and let myself in.
My eyes scan through the lounge quickly.
"She left bro...I tried to get her to stay..." Ryan says quietly from behind me.
"Fuck!! She heard it all?" I ask, and he knows I'm talking about our phone conversation.
"Yeah, but...she didn't want to see you Justin. I think it'll take her a while...if ever..."
"What?" I frown.
Ryan has always been the optimistic one, convinced that everything would work out fine in the end. That her and I are the ultimate love story and it'll end in 'happily ever after'.