SHE AIN'T LIKE A SISTER NO MORE

Chapter 56 ~ "Let me see you Jen."

JUSTIN

Her scent is still surrounding me fifteen minutes after she's run from me.
I'm having trouble walking out of the bathroom and leaving it behind.

'I can't do this Justin...not now, not ever!'

It's on repeat in my head. Playing over and over, like a broken record, torturing my soul.

'Not ever!"

There was so much finality in her voice too, and that puts me on edge.
Fucking hell, she looked so goddamn beautiful.
I won't give up. She's mine. She's always been mine, and I won't stop fighting until she's back in my arms, where she belongs.
My whole body is aching as I stand from the edge of the bath and take a deep breath.
I immediately go in search for Ryan, eventually finding him in the games room playing pool with Chaz.

"Ryan, I need to borrow your phone."
"Why?" He asks, looking at me over his shoulder briefly before sinking the black.

I'm not in the mood to fuck around, and his 101 questions automatically piss me off.
Okay, so it was only one question, but it still makes me angry.

"I've lost mine. I need to borrow yours so I can call mine and find it."

He raises an eyebrow at me with a 'bullshit' look on his face. I run my hands through my hair, anxious beyond belief.
He stares at me, analysing me for what feels like forever before eventually reaching into his pocket and handing me his phone.
I mumble a quick 'thanks' and turn to walk away when he stops me with a hand on the shoulder.
"She's saved in there under 'emma'." He says with a knowing smile on his face.
"Thanks bro." I smile back, but it soon disappears when I realize the lengths they were all going to, to keep me away from her.
"Oh...and you didn't get her number from me. She'd chop my balls off if she found out...good luck bro."

I nod back, upset that we're even having this conversation, because it should have never got this far.

I take a seat on the sofa, remembering when she fell asleep against my chest in this exact same spot, and search through Ryan's phone. I find 'emma' in his contacts and transfer the number over to my own phone. I then sit there for a good few minutes trying to decide what to put as her contact name.

'Jen' feels far too formal. As though she's not mine, and although she technically isn't right now, I hope that she will be again eventually. "Baby" or anything of the sort feels as though I'm being a little too hopeful at this stage.

I settle with 'Topdeck', because it reminds me of a time when we'd laugh and have stupid little play fights. The nickname comes with good memories.

I then sit for an hour typing, deleting and retyping texts to send her. Some consist of a full paragraph, some only small sentences, but when I read back through and realize I sound like a desperate moron, I delete them. I end up settling on a simple 'I miss you', and linger over the send button for a further twenty minutes before eventually pressing it and releasing a huge breath I'd been holding for what feels like hours.

JEN

I've been sitting and staring at the text message for around an hour. Maybe a lot longer, I really couldn't say.
I miss him. I miss him like fucking crazy, but I can't see myself going back to him.
Where I am at the moment is a completely different world than what we had when we were together.
I'm not the young innocent girl he fell in love with. I'm far from it. If I'm being completely honest, I hate the person I've become.
My heart aches for the need to be held and protected, but he's too good for me now. He's too good for the person I've become and the life that I'm living.