SHE AIN'T LIKE A SISTER NO MORE

Chapter 83 ~ "Uh oh. Justin said a bad word."

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JEN

"I can't believe it took us that long just to leave the damn house!" Justin complains, finally climbing into the car.

"You're the one that wants kids." I laugh. "You guys have your seat belts on?"

"No mine is stupid." Jaxon groans, angrily pulling at his seat belt.

"What does that mean? You don't want kids now?" Justin asks me, looking heartbroken.

"Hold on Jax." I crawl between the two front seats, slapping Justin's hand away when he reaches for my ass. "All done." I smile at Jaxon. "All good Jazzy?"

"Yeah but I want ice cream."

"We'll get ice cream later princess." Justin smiles at her in the rear view mirror before turning back to me. "What do you mean 'you're the one that wants kids'?!"

"I was just saying." I sigh, pulling my own seatbelt on. "And you can't be grumpy it took us so long, considering you sat on the toilet for twenty minutes."

"Don't change the subject. What the fuck does 'you're the one that wants kids' mean?!"

"Uh oh. Justin said a bad word." Jaxon whispers from behind us.

"Stop with the language. We'll talk about this later."

"This is bullshit." He groans, throwing the car in reverse and backing down the driveway.

"Justin please don't be angry." Jazmyn whispers.

"I'm not angry princess." He replies softly, but when I reach across to hold his hand, he pulls it out of my reach and stares ahead.

I let out a sigh and grab my nail polish from my handbag. I lift my foot up onto the dash of the car and start painting my toenails.

"Fuck sake! Put that shit away, it fucking stinks and it's gonna make the kids high." Justin yells angrily, making me jump.

I screw the lid back on silently, throw it in my bag and stare out the side window, blinking back the tears. Yes, tears. I've upset him and now he's angry at me. I've ruined the day by making one stupid comment.

I don't understand Justin's rush to have children. I enjoy just being us so much at the moment. In reality we've only just rediscovered 'us' without it being tainted with pain and bullshit. We are still so young, and the thought of having children right now terrifies me. Justin will be busy in the studio, Mom seems to never be around anymore and Chase is off falling in love. A vision of me sitting at home alone with a baby that won't stop crying flashes through my mind. I've never thought of myself as a Mom. I know I want kids, I just don't think I'll be very good at it. That thought alone scares the absolute shit out of me.

So for the remainder of the forty minute drive, I stare out of the side window, not even glancing down at the two toes I've painted bright pink, which will irritate me like crazy until I can paint the others. Justin stares ahead, occasionally answering one of the kids questions. He remains patient and gentle with them, but I feel the tension thick and heavy between the two of us.

When we pull up at the mini golf park, I make sure everything is in my bag whilst Justin puts Jaxons shoes back on that he's pulled off during the car ride. Jaxon and Justin then walk around to Jazmyns door and help her out. I pile everything back into my bag, and wait for Justin to open my door like always. It doesn't happen, and it's then that I realise how much I've hurt him.

He wanders off, holding each of the kids hands as I let myself out of the car and watch on, feeling as though I may as well just stay in the car. Not one of them turns around to see whether I'm following or not and my heart literally breaks.