SHE AIN'T LIKE A SISTER NO MORE

Chapter 57 ~ "You broke this Justin, not me."

JUSTIN

"Do you still love me?"

My words are thrown into the air where they stay floating, unanswered, for what feels like forever.

Her body has gone rigid against me, and my heart is aching more with every second that passes. I think I've just got my answer. It's a no. She's not in love with me anymore, because clearly she would have answered the question four minutes ago when it was asked.

Jen inhales a deep breath, and when she releases it, it's a trembling mess as her body quivers against mine.

She's crying.

Then she finally speaks.

"Sometimes love isn't always enough Justin. I never understood that saying until recently. You clearly don't trust me. If you did, you wouldn't have believed it, and we wouldn't be here, having this conversation right now."

Since when wasn't our love ever enough? It makes me angry, and I can't help but snap a little.

"It was right there, in my fucking face! How could I not believe it when all I could see were his hands all over you? His hands were up your fucking dress! Do you know how that felt? That's mine Jen!" The last part comes out as a strained whisper as I see it again, clear as day. His hand up my girls dress, his lips pressed against hers.

"Was yours..."

She says it so quietly, but I hear it. I hear it loud and clear and it fucking kills me.

"No! No...you said you would be mine forever! You said always and forever, no matter what!" I reply, trying to stay as calm as possible, even though she's slipping further and further away from me as the seconds tick by.

"You broke this Justin, not me." She says softly, looking towards the ground.

I drop my forehead onto her shoulder, and close my eyes as silent tears begin to fall.

I feel her hand come up and curl into my hair softly, holding me against her. My chest is against her back and my arms wrapped around her stomach, holding her tight. I don't ever want to let go.

As her hand gently runs through my hair, my chest aching, and my body trembling, I squeeze her tighter, never wanting to let go even though she already seems to have let go of us in a non physical sense. She's already emotionally let go, she's no longer in love with me, and I never want to let her go. Emotionally, physically and spiritually, she is mine and I can't see a world without her.

The more I think about losing her for good, the harder I cry until they're hard, broken, painful, gasping-for-air kind of tears dripping onto the soft skin on her neck.

I hold her against me, sobbing into her skin and whispering, 'please let me fix it baby', 'I'll never stop fighting for you' and 'I can't live without you Jen, please don't make me' over and over.

She lets me hold her, as she quietly cries with me. Her cries aren't the same as mine. They're not the desperate, pleading sobs that mine are.

I suddenly realize this feels a lot like goodbye.

"Please talk to me. Tell me what to do Jen. Please!" I whisper, turning her around to face me.

She sits with her legs crossed, my legs going over her knees. She already feels too far away. I realise that my body has trapped her to me. Too afraid to let go, I've subconsciously trapped her against me.

She reaches up and wipes the tears from my face with her soft hands, a sad look on her beautiful face.

"I'm not sure there's anything you can do Justin." She whispers back.