SHE AIN'T LIKE A SISTER NO MORE

Chapter 65 ~ "I don't really know what else to say."

PLEASE NOTE: this chapter also comes with a warning. Although not as graphic as the previously warned chapter, I just wanted to let you know.
I love you all XOX

JUSTIN

"How can you still want me? Still even want to look at me?!"

My heart stops, and I stare blankly ahead at the white wall of the hospital room I'm currently being held captive in. Possible suspect of raping my own beautiful girlfriend, who means the entire world to me and I'd never dream of hurting.
Makes sense right?!
I'm not sure how long I've been standing like this, when Mom steps into my line of vision and lifts her shaky hands, gently swiping the tears that are rolling down my cheeks. My eyes won't focus on her though, as I can't help but stare blankly ahead and completely through her.
What pulls me out of it eventually is the dial tone that rings obnoxiously into my ear, telling me that Jen has ended our call. The next second, Moms arms are wrapped around my torso, and although she only heard my half of the conversation, I'm sure she has a fair idea of how hard this is going to be for Jen. For us.
The tears eventually stop, although the ache remains in my chest, dark, heavy and painful.
"What do I do Mom?"
"Oh sweetie, it's going to take some time."
"I just fucking got her back Mom...I spent hours and hours trying to make her realize how worthy she is after that fucking asshole made her feel like nothing! How much I love her...who the fuck...how could anyone ever do that to another person?"
"There are evil people out there Justin..."
"Tell me how to fix it Mom. I need to fix her... she thinks nothing of herself now. Nothing Mom! 'How can you still even want to look at me?!' What is that shit? I want to look at her every minute of every day for the rest of my life! Fuck Mom, I love her so much..." I break down again, sobbing as Moms tiny arms hold me against her, and I clutch onto her for dear life.

JEN

I don't feel anything. I'm that broken that I have no emotion whatsoever.
No, that's a lie.
I feel completely and utterly worthless. Doctors and nurses constantly walk in and out of the room, writing in my obs and telling me things, but I don't hear a word. I sit and nod, not taking in a thing. There is a constant buzzing in my head, blocking out everything and everyone.
I don't know where I'm allowed to look, so I stare into my lap.
I'm not sure what I'm allowed to touch, so my hands rest on my thighs.
It's not until a nurse leans down, and touches my arm that I become aware of my surroundings.
It's only a soft touch, but my heartbeat picks up as I flinch away from her and lift my eyes up to hers.
"I'm so sorry sweetie." She whispers, obviously taking note of the fear in my eyes.
"You have family wanting to see you. Would you like anyone to come in?"
I stare back at her, confused as to who would want to see me and why.
Haven't they been told why I'm in here?
I feel so ashamed and dirty. Why would anyone want to see me after what I've done?
It takes me a moment to realize the nurse is staring back at me, waiting for an answer to her question.
"I...um...I don't...why are they here?" I stutter quietly.
"Why are they here?" The nurse frowns back at me.
I nod, absentmindedly fiddling with my fingers.
"Sweetheart, they care about you. Of course there are people here."
"He didn't do it." I whisper.
"I'm sorry?" She leans a little closer to hear.
"Justin...the one who saved me from the fire. It wasn't him."
"I didn't think so..." She tries for a warm hearted smile, but it comes across as one filled with pity. "There are police waiting for your statement, but I'm assuming you're not ready to talk?"
I shake my head, and burrow myself further under the blankets that are covering me. "Please let me send a family member in to see you." She whispers, after a minute or two of watching me.
I shake my head. "I just want to be left alone."
"Can I tell you something?" She asks.
I must shrug, or give some sign for her to continue.
"I know how you feel. I was thirteen...when it happened to me. He was my cousin..."
My stomach lurches, and I sit up and reach for something to vomit into. Before I can grasp anything, I'm retching over the side of the bed, bile splattering on to the floor beside me.
All I see is a young, innocent, defenseless thirteen year old girl, jet black hair and caramel colored skin.
I feel a soft hand on my back, rubbing up and down, and although it's intended to be comforting, it still sends horrible shivers down my spine. I don't want anyone touching me.
I sit up, after a few minutes of dry reaching, realizing there's nothing more to come up.