Untitled Part 13

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Redoons : The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.

Vitalasy: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

Leowook: New challenge! Don't say stupid shit for 24 hours!

Redoons, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out?
Ashswag: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

Rekrap: *raises eyebrows*
Branzy: Put those back down!

*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation*
Ashswag: How do you eat pickles?
Leowook: What do you mean?
Ashswag: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes.
Leowook: Yeah, that's why you use a fork.
Ashswag: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean.
Leowook: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work.
Ashswag: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl.
Leowook: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing.
Ashswag: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug.
Leowook: *Nods in agreement*
Rekrap: That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS!
Ashswag: Jeez, okay.
Leowook: Quit yelling at us already.

Parrot: That sounds super! Doesn't that sound super, Rekrap?
Rekrap: No.
Parrot: I think I speak for Rekrap when I say it sounds really super.

Mappic: What is this!?
Subz: That's the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.
Mappic: Ow! Make it stop!
Subz: Surrender to your kindness, Mappic. It's nice to be nice.
Mappic: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

Branzy, to Subz: If Leowook doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.
Leowook, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Spoke: Something's off.
Zam: Maybe you've finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
Spoke: No, but that's funny.

Ashswag, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

*Ashswag and Rekrap playing minecraft*
Ashswag: Oh no, oh no, oh no-
Rekrap: What's wrong?
Ashswag: I did a thing.
Rekrap: You regret the thing you dID-
Ashswag: *screams*
Rekrap: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-
Ashswag: *screams again*

Spoke: It's alright, we have salt packets.
Spoke: Not the ones that snap in half, but sure.

Subz: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Rekrap: Microwave for 40 minutes. 
McClutch : Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Rekrap: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Ashswag: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Rekrap: Microwave for 40 minutes. 

 Clown: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!
Branzy : *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

Midmysticx: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.
Mappic: Unless you're home alone.

Zam: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Leowook: Sleeping is nice.
Zam: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

*Zam drunkenly wanders around the house and Leowook is drunkenly giggling*
Vortex , completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Vitalasy.
Vitalasy, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

Branzy: Why do you hang out with me?
Rekrap : You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!
Branzy: ...
Branzy: I feel a bit sorry for you.

Spoke: *holding a salt packet* It's just a little sodium chloride.
Mappic: Actually Spoke, it's salt.
Spoke: That's what I said, sodium chloride.
Mappic: Uh Spoke, that would be salt.
Mappic: *takes salt packer from Spoke* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

Zam: I'd like to live through a week that's not a whole new verse of "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Mappic: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Rekrap: Put spaghetti in it.
Mappic: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Clown: Put spaghetti in it.
Mappic: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Branzy: Put spaghetti in it.
Mappic: I am no longer taking suggestions.


Rekrap : Just be yourself.
Clown : 'Be myself'? Rek , I have one day to win Branzy over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Mid: Couple weeks.
Leo: Six months.
Zam : Jury's still out.
Clown : See, Rek ?
Clown : 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Branzy : Clown ... How do I begin to explain Clown ?
Mid: Clown is flawless.
Rekrap: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.
Leo: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
Zam : One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Branzy : Dumbest scar stories, go!
Zam : I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Mid: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Rekrap: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Leo: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Clown :
Clown : I have emotional scars.

Clown: If you got arrested what would be the charges?
Cube : Theft.
Spep: Disturbing the peace.
Zam: Aggravated assault.
Mid: Arson.
Leo: All of the above.In that order, probably.

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