In the end, it's only us (Natasha x reader

Love the new suit

Y/n pov

"Guess that puts the wedding on a small hold" Natasha tries to joke as she sits down at my feet on our bed.

"Maybe that's the best" i say, immediately regretting it. Thinking she'll take that as a 'I don't want to marry you'.

"You're a good mother Y/n" she says and i look down at her.

"Where are you going with this?" i look back up into the ceiling.

"Nowhere, i'm just saying it because it's the truth. You are a great mother, even though you didn't raise her yourself. You are a wonderful sister, a beautiful fiance and a powerful hero"

"Now you're taking it a little far, i'm no ones' hero" i say but she pulls me up so that i'm sitting, meeting her gaze. That loving gaze i keep falling in love with, keep falling in this infinite pool of love.

"I'm not, you may not be someone else's hero, but you're mine" she brushes some hair out of my face. "You saved me when i needed it, multiple times. You're Loki's hero for saving him when he was near death. You're Yelena's hero for making sure she got the training she needed to survive and climb high" the last part is more a whisper against my cheek.

"That's not enough Natasha"

"But is it, it's enough, it's more than enough. You're a survivor, not a villain. You are not a monster for the things you've done or for what they made you"

"Okay, maybe you'll get this if i quote your favourite series" i say, not a hint of a smile on my lips. "Evil isn't born, it's made. And i was made a monster"

"Y/n, now you're being dramatic. Everything is going to be okay. We will get them out and to a safe place, then we'll get married and live eternity together, a happy ending with each other."

"Don't you see, this will never stop. My world is not a place for a family or a happy future"

"Your life has always been dangerous, you married a soldier for christ sake. One you had a child with, it wasn't safe then either"

"I didn't find out i was pregnant until i was at Hydra, when they examined me to put me in the same program as my brother" she just looks at me as i snapped. I didn't mean to but she doesn't understand. And it all goes back to that i don't want her to change. "I gave birth to her in the most dangerous places in the world and had to pretend it was a stillbirth. The men who snuck her out were dead in a matter of days and when i got free i found out that my husband died looking for me, that one of my best friends had crashed into the ice and was gone. I had no one left, i was all alone. I can't risk the past repeating itself"

"The world has changed and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and somethings the best that we can do is to start over" i let out a soft laugh, making her give me a questioning look.

"Peggy said that to me when i got Bucky back the first time" but the smile on my face faded quickly at the memory of my friend. "I don't think i'm ready just yet Natalia"

"We will do this together okay, i'll be with you whatever it is you decide. Because i love you and i want to marry you, no matter what"

"I..." she'd still be stuck with me, and i'd have to watch her die slowly. It's not that i'm not ready to move on, it's that i'm not ready to take her with me. To sentence her to hell. To open up to the chance that i might lose the love of my life... again.

"Mr Stark has found a location and wishes to inform you all to meet by the quinjet in five minutes" Fridays' voice interrupts just as she's about to say something else.

"About time" i mutter to myself, getting out of bed and to a small jewellery box. I take out a pendant, with four metal claws, but they're more in the shape of fangs. As i put it on, one claw sits on my back, one of each shoulder and one on my chest. "Let's see if this works" i mutter again as i start walking out and towards the jet. And it does, the suit builds around me. It's light blue details remind me of ice. Probably why it's icy blue. But the rest is black, except for my utility belt. Where i can put my knives and guns. I must admit that i like it, it's also the firs time i've worn it actually. I've only seen it in Tony's workshop, never on me. If we didn't need to leave i would have stood in front of a mirror instead. But as i get out into the light of day the light blue gets lighter. It must be regulated to light, also making it easier to find me in a crowd. And it gets darker in the shadows, if i ever need to hide. Sunlight, that's what i had helped him with. It's regulated by sunlight.

"Love the suit" Tony calls with a smirk, and of course he said that. He made it. Natasha also comes up running onto the brigg, standing next to me. Wearing her dark blue and black suit. "Everybody on?"

"The compound is located right here" Tony says, pointing to a place on the map.

"Isn't that?" Wanda asks, knowing full well that it is. She still looks at me for confirmation.

"Yeah, it is" i answer, exhaling a heavy breath.

"Sorry, am i missing something?" Clint asks but i can't meet anyone's gaze.

"This compound is where... where my legend began, as Armana" i breath out again. "The place where i was being held by Christopher before coming with to Russia"

"I didn't know they still operated there" Wanda says and i finally look up. "They abandoned the place after you got out, he got some sort of breakdown and some of the lower levels are in ruins. It was the only thing people could talk about that year"

"Must have been a cover, but that doesn't mean that it isn't true about the lower levels being in ruin. We need to be cautious" i say, gesturing for Tony to continue.