In the end, it's only us (Natasha x reader

Asgard brings bad memories

Y/n pov

"Asgard" Tony says and i'm just quiet. It's Natasha who takes up the conversation again and breaks the minutes of silence.

"Asgard? As in Thor and Loki's home?"

"Yes, i have talked to them and they love the idea"

"Sure they do, but who will protect earth while we're there? Time moves differently there" i say, looking up to meet Tony's gaze.

"Earth can make it, they'll still have the iron league and that'll be enough for the time being"

"I've been sitting down for too long, we can continue this some other time" i say, letting up and walking out without another word. What's with me? Why can't i just accept that my friends want to fix us for a perfect wedding. And before i realise it i'm knocking on Loki's door.

"Yes, my lo... what's wrong?" he asks and i feel a tear falling down my cheek. But it's not sadness, it's anger.

"You! You're the problem. You told Tony that it was a great idea to have my wedding on Asgard" i say, walking into his room, my old room.

"Don't you?"

"No, i don't, i really don't"

"You loved Asgard the last time you were there"

"Yeah, and i almost didn't leave because of it. But i also lost the chance of seeing my granddaughter grow up" i blurt out, making him freeze at my words. So i sit down on his bed and start to explain how i had just found out where my daughter was, and that she had given birth to a daughter of her own. That they were in Sweden the same time i was there, the whole reason i was even there. The tears are now of sadness, of the memories.

"Then why did you even leave with me in the first place?"

"We were being chased and i saw no other way. And i was hoping that there was something there that could make me normal again, make me human" i let out a sign. "I don't regret not going through with it because it got me here, to Natasha and the team. But i could have seen her grow up"

"Why don't you tell me stuff like that?" Natasha asks and i see her in the door opening. I look at Loki who just gives me a sympathetic smile before disappearing.

"There are things i don't want anyone to know. For the safely of myself and others"

"Know what? That you had the chance to become human, that you choose to stay a monster when there was a way?" she says and i just look at her. "I'm not saying that you should regret that because i don't know what i would have done if you weren't there, if we would even be alive." she refers to Yelena. "But i meant about the other thing, your daughter. Sarah"

"I really don't want to talk about it" i say, getting up. But as i try to walk out the door she stands in front of me. "Move"

"Not until you talk to me" she says and i know she won't give up until i tell her, no matter what i do. And i don't want to start a fight, i don't have the energy for it. So i let the hand she has placed on my shoulder, take her with me as i teleport us to the roof.

"In this life her name's not Sarah" i say and the wind almost blows away my words but she can hear me. "Her name is Ingrid... i met her once, told her everything there was to know about me, about Hydra, about everything."

"And your granddaughter?"

"She was named after me, Diana. I left them a necklace and some cash so that they would make it. They both grew up in Sweden, that's why i was there to begin with. The only reason i was there to meet Loki, because i found out they were there"

"Why not tell me?" she asks, coming closer and putting both her hands on my shoulders.

"It was for the best. The less who know, the safer they are."

"Do you know where they are now?"

"No" i answer, my voice almost breaking. "I'm scared of what could happen if Hydra knew that they existed, they still think it was a stillbirth."

"Hey, if they haven't found them in 70 years they won't do it now. Besides they're too busy cleaning up the mess left by you to even think about that" she pulls me into her embrace but i can't let myself cry, no matter how much i want to. In the arms of the one person that makes me feel safe.

Two weeks later

"Come one talk to me" Nat says as i get out of the bed. "Why can't you talk to me now?"

"I just don't want to talk about it" i answer, even though i know i can. But it's dragging up too many painful memories.

"Why do you close yourself off Y/n? I thought we got past this"

"Well obviously we haven't" i don't even know why i can't stay still right now, it's all just too much. Tony is on my throat for the wedding, Nat is insisting we talk about my past, Loki is encouraging me to do just that. But i can't, it's all too much. I now i told her a little of it on the roof but... i can't think about it anymore. "You should have left me in there"

"You don't mean that" she knows where i'm talking about, where she got me out of. My happy place. I've put on clothes and make myself walk towards the door. "You can't just walk away when i'm talking to you"

"Watch me" i say, opening the door and walking out.

"Come back, talk to me, please" i can hear the tears in her angry voice. It breaks my heart to be the one who caused it.

"NO, i'm not talking to you about something you can't understand. I can't" it's not our first fight... but i'm sure that if we were normal, it would be our last.

"Then please talk to someone, i don't really care who. You... you can't just run away"

"I've been running my whole life Natasha, i can't stop"

"That's the thing, you don't have to run anymore" i register the sound of multiple heartbeats from the living room. I don't need to turn around to see everyone standing there, looking between us. It's unusual... for them to see it, we usually keep discussions like this behind closed doors. But i just really need to get out, like now.

"I need some air" is all i answer as i meet Natasha's gaze and walk into the elevator.