A life with you

There's no one to blame but us

Y/N's POV

I couldn't believe that I actually had a good day today I mean being back to work keeps my mind busy and I'm doing what I like, I'm already working on cases but as I promised I won't take risky cases, I know I made this promise to Lizzie but even though we are not okay right now, I'm planning to keep my promise not just for Lizzie but for Ethan, now that we agreed that I still can see Ethan I know I'll always be there for him, no matter what, I'll be there for him even if Lizzie and I don't fix things between us

She asked me earlier if I wanted a divorce, I know she asked that because I told her I didn't want to be with her not because she wants a divorce, but I don't know what I want I miss Lizzie I know I do but I also know I need time to myself for me to think what's best, I think this time apart will help the two of us, and if we get to fix this, I know it will help us to have a more healthy relationship, everything is so confusing right now, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or I'm just stupid for open my mouth and told Lizzie all those things

The only thing that I know is that I want to focus on myself and on Ethan, I'm going to think about Lizzie and what's best for the two of us, because well I think I know what's best for Ethan, and there is nothing I want more than what's best for him, but I'm not sure that what's best for him is the best for Lizzie and I, as I said there's a lot I need to figure it out

A good thing is that I'm going to talk with my mom today, I'll tell her everything, I know she won't stop loving Lizzie, I am afraid she will say I'm the wrong one here and that I have to apologize, my mom is wise so I know whatever she will say is going to be true, the only bad thing is that I don't usually listen my mom and I know I will end doing whatever I want, but anyways I need to know what she has to say, maybe she will make me change my mind maybe she won't but I know for sure what she has to say might help me take a decision

So I drove to my mom's house, as soon as I arrived I saw that she wasn't alone, Roger is here too, I wanted to be alone with my mom and just talk with her but knowing Roger he will have an opinion on this even though no one asks him, it doesn't bother me though, I mean I really need all the opinions even though I know in the end I'll have to make the choice on what to do with my life and no one will tell me what should I do

I didn't knock I just enter the house and Luca was the first one to see me, I don't know why but I feel since Lizzie and I got married I haven't seen my little brother that much, I mean he is all grown up he is no longer my baby brother, he greeted me but not like he used to, I remember how excited he would get every time I come home, every time he saw me, he ran excitedly towards me but I think that changed and just now I realize it, I now he is older and so am I but I never thought that our love for each other would change I thought he was going to get excited to see me

He was going but I didn't let him "Hey where are you going?" I asked him "I'm going to my room, I'm going to play with a friend" he said "Is he here?" I asked him and he laughed "No, I'll call him and we will play together" he said and I hummed "Can't that wait I wanted to spend some time with you" I told him and he smile sweetly at me "Maybe another day if you are not too busy we can go for ice cream" he suggested and I nod "Sure just know I'm never busy for you" I told him and he smiled

I know he still loves me but I have to accept he has changed and he will not always want to be with me, he needs his space and time for himself, I knew this would happen but I didn't know it would happen so fast, I used to think that I was going to be there for Luca, always no matter what, that I was going to watch him grow and help him as much as I could but it seems that I didn't, this just makes me think that if I continue like this, the same thing that just happened with Luca it's going to happen with Ethan, he will grow up maybe he smiled right now and I'm not there because I can't make my mind up because I'm confused