I
Am
So
Fucking
Tired
Of
Pretending.
I'm tired of pretending like I'm okay.
Like I didn't just curl into a ball on my shower floor and cry.
Like I didn't punch myself in the head and whimper your name.
Like the water didn't burn my cuts.
Like the cuts aren't there.
I am tired of pretending like I don't still wake up from nightmares about him, screaming for you to come save me.
Like the only way I can fall asleep after that is imagining your arms around me, telling me I'm safe.
Like I'm not CRYING RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
I am tired of pretending, to every single one of my friends, like there isn't still a hole in my chest and when they speak your name it gets bigger.
Like somehow the boys I talk to can replace you.
Like I've gotten over you.
I am tired of pretending to my best friend that I'm okay. That I can be there for her.
She's reading this and I'm sorry. I'm sorry but I can't even be there for myself right now. I'm dying inside and I wish I wasn't taking you down with me.
"Do you think it would be better if we weren't friends?"
I am tired of pretending like I don't see your face anymore when I close my eyes.
Like every thought that comes and involves you is so easy to push down.
Like I'm not waiting for you to tell me you're coming back.
I am tired of pretending like I can just forget you.
It's not that easy. I wish it was.
I am tired of pretending.
"LOVE IS WATCHING SOMEONE DIE
WHO'S GONNA WATCH YOU DIE?"
YOU ARE READING
Distant Thoughts
Poetryhow to: get over your first love write a book about your experience with heartbreak -- 1. "You are like the wind Sometimes here, sometimes not Maybe I ought To have known that now Is the time you aren't" 2. "I'm running out of things to say Please...
