Distant Thoughts

Hatred

First off, I would just like to say that I hate you. I mean I hate you. Like, the purest form of hate you can find and that is me. Hating you. I hate you. I really, really do.

So, when you came to me, saying you never should of left, that was just a fucking lie, right?

That year and a half we spent together was a lie, wasn't it? All of those pretty words out of your mouth were lies, right?

Two days. We spent two days together, happy. You told me you loved me. You weren't gonna leave again.

YOU LEFT.

Were those two days not enough for you? Was I not enough for you?

If I can write a thousand words about you in one of these chapters, WHY IS IT THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL ME WHY YOU LEFT AGAIN?

I know it wasn't just your mom. Deep down, I know you agree with her. You want nothing to do with me. But you have no FUCKING REASON TO HURT ME LIKE THIS.

You could be, oh I don't know. A decent human being. Say, "Sophie, I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm sorry. Just leave me alone."

That would be it. I would stop.
That would be enough for me to get over you, realize what a fucking PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE.

The second thing I'd like to say is, I don't hate you. Okay? I don't mean all these insults.

I'm just really hurt.

Okay, I do hate you. But not enough to mean the insults.

I keep going back and forth. Between hating you and putting you on the highest pedestal there is. First of all, I am going to knock you off this pedestal.

You are weak. You are a coward.
You are a liar. All you care about is appearance.
You hurt your family continuously and turn around and say that I have no room to talk.

If I have no room to talk, then you had NO room to say, "Your father tried to kill you with his own hands and now your mother is doing the same." I corrected your grammar a little bit, because I know you suck at it. Bite me.

I don't know what your problem is. Why you just left out of the blue. Maybe I'm too crazy, yeah. I accept that. But then why did you come back for those two days? It is driving me insane. I want to blow my brains out and leave them on your pillow so you know just how much I'm hurting.

But I can't. And I'm here now to say that I forgive you. I still love you.

And I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, too.

But know this: if there has already been seven boys after you, there will be more. They will love me in ways that you could not. And soon, you won't be anything but a memory.

I hope this realization keeps you up at night, wondering why you let me go.