2/7/15
I spent a year telling myself I was okay
And picking up the broken pieces of glass you left behind
Cutting my fingers and leaving pools of blood everywhere
I kept telling myself I was strong and I wouldn't need anyone else
But then you came
and everything was great at first
but it went downhill and we became the couple at the double-date that's making the other couple uncomfortable with how much we're fighting
And I told myself I needed you
I need you
I needed you
I drilled it into my brain and I carved it into my hips and I told myself
I'll be okay
I need you I'll be okay
After about a year and 3 or 4 months
I'm telling myself, I don't need you
Just leave, just leave
I don't need you
The cuts will heal, wipe your mouth, douse yourself in an ice cold shower
It's all going to be okay
but then I realize I need you
and I'm on the bathroom floor with vomit in my hair
and blood dripping down my thighs
my whole body shaking, screaming, crying
"I need you
And you don't even care."
--
2/19/15
"be like snow: beautiful, but cold"
you wrap your arms around my waist,
and it freezes me to the core
you look me in the eye and I am mesmerized
by the frozen green pools of pine needles
stabbing me, stabbing, stabbing
"be like snow"
you're beautiful, but you're hurting me
it hurts, hurts, hurts
"beautiful"
you run your hands through my hair
ice falls from your fingertips like snowfall
leaving trails of pain
"cold"
i need you
I'm screaming
snow is falling,
you belong here
and I don't
I need you
and you don't need me.
--
6.29.15
at least I can say I stand for something
at least I can say that I loved you
at least I can say that I didn't lie for so many months
at least I can say that I do still love you and that if I had the chance I'd fix it and end it on a better note
at least I can say I'm a better person than you are
at least I can say I did FUCKING LOVE YOU
and at least I can say I've quit crying and I'm done trying to look for answers
done trying to make you mine again.
"Have faith in me
Because there's things that I've seen I don't believe."
YOU ARE READING
Distant Thoughts
Poezjahow to: get over your first love write a book about your experience with heartbreak -- 1. "You are like the wind Sometimes here, sometimes not Maybe I ought To have known that now Is the time you aren't" 2. "I'm running out of things to say Please...
