Distant Thoughts

Ghosts

I ripped the
Pictures of you off the
Walls and I took down the
Card you signed and I put
The glass turtle in a box and I
Closed up everything that ever reminded me of you.

The corsage and the pictures we took
At homecoming a year ago at your school and
The ticket stubs, the arcade game coins and the
Valentine's Day roses and the holographic card that says
I love you
on it and
more and more and more
memories all trapped underneath puddles of dust and
they're all in a heart shaped box.

I put the box inside the box inside
Another box and I
Put it in my closet and I
Locked away all traces of you and I
Stopped breathing, started pumping out hurricanes from my eyes
tsunamis for vision and
I crumbled under the weight of your ghost.

Time stopped and I
I sat frozen in place I
Remembered it all even though
Everything is locked away.

I pulled down the football sweatshirts and the
hoodie you got me at a catholic retreat and I
folded the baseball shirt and the video game character pajama pants and I put
them all in a black bag and let them join their heartbreaking counterparts.

They're all symbols for something they're all
Headstones for the love we once had and they're dated
From November two years ago to
Last February and I
Can't breathe can't see can't think
Without you now.

Am I trying
To forget you
Or just cover you up?

I laid down on a soft mattress that still
Smells like you when you kissed me under the sheets and
Laughed with me late at night and
Smiled at me when I woke you up with gentle hands and soft smiles the next morning and
Your ghost lingers on my pillow and I wish

I wish you'd just go away.

So I turned over and I looked out the window that
I could see you from when you drove up and
I remembered you were never coming home again and I
Need to forget you.

So I float out
Through time and space and I
Bury myself in your sheets and I remember
The days on your bed we spent laughing and the
Movies we spent watching together on your mom's couch and I
Travel backwards through your screen door and I
Drift along beaten blades of grass and I
Find the tree with our initials carved into it with a
Heart and I see
Where we used to be, my head
In your lap with your fingers in my hair while you
Pointed out that shapes in the sky and said
All I want is for you to be happy.

I come home and I
Walk through the door and
Your scent hits me like a ton of bricks your
Image at the dining room table with my mom
Never leaves my eyes and

How do you tell a ghost to quit haunting you and
How do you convince yourself you want them to?

There are traces of you everywhere
At the kitchen sink where I tried to wash off the
Dirt from playing in the yard with you and
In my bed where we laid and
Talked about space together and
In the living room where
You refused to eat dinner at the table
Because you wanted to be with me and
Everywhere,

You're a ghost and you're
Haunting me but I
Feel fine.