Distant Thoughts

Forgotten

There are several things I will never forgive you for.

I won't ever forgive you for letting me go. Especially not the way you did it. Without a word, without anything.

I won't ever forgive you for telling me I was a slut because I did something with a girl that one time.

I won't ever forgive you for making me cry. For letting me to go sleep suicidal, for going to bed knowing I'd try again to die and maybe this time I'd succeed.

I won't ever forgive you for the sleepless nights I spent crying after a fight and sending you paragraphs of how much I love you. When you woke up that morning, every morning, you said nothing.

I won't ever forgive you for leaving me this way. You could have been polite, respectful, said, "It is over. I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye." But you said nothing.

I won't ever forgive you for making me choose you over my best friends.

I won't forgive you for all the fights between us about you.

I won't forgive you for not caring.

I won't forgive you for using me.

I won't forgive you for hurting me. Over and over.

I won't forgive you for all the times I felt like I wasn't enough, and you knew it. But you let me wake up and go to sleep feeling like I was worthless.

I won't forgive you for the times you told me to get over it. That it didn't matter. That I shouldn't worry about it.

I won't forgive you for the times we fought. The times I caused the fights because you did something wrong and refused to admit it.

But most of all, I won't forgive you for making me feel the need to write this about you.

I'll never forgive myself for letting you hurt me this way.

I'll never forgive myself for letting you break me.

I'll never forgive myself for letting myself fall so in love with you I forgot to love myself first. That doesn't mean I don't forgive myself for loving you. There's nothing to forgive. I just wish you loved me as much as I loved you once.

I'll never forgive myself for letting it affect me so badly.

Now, I will close this story and shut away every memory I have of you.

I'll bottle it up and tell myself that I'll never let someone hurt me again.

*edit

I might still continue this story, but not as often. There's a possibility I might continue it.