I tried to figure it out
What was wrong,
What was missing,
Why I couldn't feel anything,
If it was me,
If it was you.
It really isn't anything.
It's that I know this game.
I've played it before. For a year and a half.
I lost myself trying to find out what it was like to find you, know you, love you.
I lost the confidence, not caring what people thought, the happiness, the constant laughter and joy. I lost all that, trying to hold us together.
Something was missing then, and something is missing now.
And it's me.
I'm not completely there.
I never am, I'm not there in class, I'm not there in conversations, I'm not there at home, in the kitchen, in the living room listening to the television play.
And that's okay.
I have to find myself first.
I have to find out where that other piece of me is, when I lost it, where it went,
Before I can actually love someone else.
And I want something new.
I want to know what it feels like to fall in love, slowly, then all at once, just one more time.
See if it's really worth it.
I want to know what it's like to accept that things change and people leave and life doesn't stop for anybody.
I want to say that and actually believe in it, not just play it back whenever someone needs me to say it.
I want to believe in myself.
I want to believe in what it's like to love
Completely,
Fully.
I want to know what it's like to actually love someone.
YOU ARE READING
Distant Thoughts
Poesiahow to: get over your first love write a book about your experience with heartbreak -- 1. "You are like the wind Sometimes here, sometimes not Maybe I ought To have known that now Is the time you aren't" 2. "I'm running out of things to say Please...
