Unaching

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You were everything I wanted and more.

"Come kiss me," you'd say, and take my hands in yours. Just like that, my walls would crumble. Everything was fine.

"Let me hold you," you said, while I was crying. On this day, I had a flashback. I ran out the backdoor and kept running until I hit the street way back behind your house.

Whenever I saw you, or your sister, or your cousins, I ran farther. Eventually I came in, and you were on the couch. Tears were streaming silently down your face, or I thought that's what I saw. You said nothing as I sat down on the couch opposite you and started crying. You looked away, an expression of agony etched into your soft features.

This is when I realized you never wanted to see me in any pain.

So, why are you the reason I want to hang myself from the ceiling fan now?

Or have you forgotten just how fragile my psyche is?

That day, afterwards, you held me so tightly. I buried my face in your neck and let you rub my back and kiss my shoulders. Just like that, nothing was wrong. Everything was right in that moment, and it was all because your arms were around me. I've never felt more at home than when your two arms were embracing me.

I planned to come on here and write terrible things.

All I find is myself begging you to come back and stay.

"I'M SO FUCKING SORRY."

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