Girl Crush

Chapter 1

 Being in love with someone you can't have is the very definition of misery. It is the worst kind of torment that hell itself can conjure up, suffering that makes it hard to breathe like thick, damp air on the most humid of days. It is waking up every day, already drained, hating the sight of the sun because it brought with it another day of being close, but not close enough. It was going to sleep at night with a weight crushing your chest, the weight of all the things you could never actually say because the risk was too great.

"Dani...hey, earth to Dani..."

Ring-clad fingers snapped in front of her face, breaking her out of her daze. Two eyes the color of a cup of warm coffee, and just as comforting, were looking at her with amusement. A teasing smile pulled up the corners of those lips that haunted her constantly these days.

"Sorry," she laughed, shaking her head, attempting to rattle the useless and depressing thoughts to the back of her mind where they belonged.

"Where did you just go?" her best friend, Eddie, asked, pressing his toes into her thigh. They were sitting at either end of his couch, attempting to do homework. "I've been rambling on about the show on Tuesday for the past ten minutes. Did you hear a single thing I said?"

Dani bit her lower lip gently, running her fingers over her forehead, gently pressing against the skin. Closing her eyes, she released a small sigh. Her brain frantically worked to come up with a fast excuse as to why she had completely tuned him out for the last ten minutes.

"I'm sorry," she muttered softly, unable to meet those eyes

that knew her so well. Those eyes that could read her like the open pages of a book. She couldn't risk him reading the lie she was offering and the lies were coming more frequently these days. It was exhausting trying to keep up the part she was playing. "I guess I didn't sleep well last night. I'm just tired."

Eddie leaned over, taking her hands and pulling her against him on the couch. She turned so her back was cradled against his chest. His arm snuck around her, settling on her waist and every muscle and bone in her body liquefied. Shit. This used to be so natural. It used to be normal. They were always touching. His hand on her knee, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her, their fingers interlocked. When had his touch become so triggering?

"How come?" he asked softly, resting his chin on top of her

head.

Her eyes closed, breathing in the scent of him, that familiar fragrance of tobacco, the earthy skunky smell of the joint they had shared earlier, and the Calvin Klein Obsession cologne she had bought for him for his birthday after he had pocketed one at the store the year before. She could still picture the grin he'd flashed at her before he slid the bottle in his pocket. He wanted no part of being like his felon father but he couldn't resist committing minor misdemeanors here and there. Nothing that would ever result in serious jail time, just a little public disobedience.

Eddie smelled like home to her. He smelled like late nights watching movies, sneaking into the woods during school to smoke, long hours rehearsing with the guys, hours spent looking through records and books at the used stores downtown, and the safe place she ran when the world got to be too much. He was her favorite person that had ever existed. He was her entire world wrapped up in one beautiful package.

"I don't know," she shrugged. Her fingers began playing with the rings on his hand that were draped over her stomach. Why did what used to be such a simple thing in her life suddenly have to be so goddamn complicated now? "I guess I am just stressed."

"About what?"

"Umm..." Dani paused. "School."

Eddie laughed, "Why are you stressed about school? You have A's in every freaking subject without even trying. You're the only reason I have a shot at graduating this year."