Girl Crush

Chapter 31

 There are moments in life where you just feel completely at peace. Everything aligns exactly as it should and the world feels right. You stay so still, almost scared to breathe or close your eyes, because you don't want it all to be a figment of your imagination. You don't want to break whatever spell has been cast to make it so.

That's how Dani felt, her cheek pressed against Eddie's chest, soothed by the gentle thump of his heartbeat. His fingers trailed up and down her spine. He kept pressing kisses to the top of her head, her mouth, her cheek as if he couldn't believe he could finally do this and was making up for all the times he didn't and should have. She knew exactly how he felt. She kept expecting to wake up and find she had dreamed this.

Her body felt heavy, every inch of her buzzing with an exquisite numbness. All that time, those guys she'd said no to because she wasn't ready. It had all been for this moment, the perfect moment with the perfect guy. Eddie was the perfect guy for her. There was no one else. She felt like somewhere in the back of her mind she had known that from the moment that twelve year old kid with the buzz cut had taken her hand and led her away.

"How much time do we have before your mom comes home?" Eddie asked softly.

"She said not to expect her before dinner," she answered, her fingers dancing along his chest, tracing over the designs of his tattoos. "She missed a few days of work because of my craziness. You know her. She can't stand being behind so she's going to stay there until she thinks she's all caught up."

"Good. I am in no rush to have to share you." He wrapped both arms around her, holding her close. "How are you doing with all this? You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I know you've never done that before. Everything was a bit intense. We got swept up in the moment and I just...I hope you're not regretting it."

Dani pulled back, just enough so she could look up at him, her head resting in the crook of his arm. She placed her hand on his cheek, getting lost in those beautiful eyes. Jesus, how she loved that face. If all she had to look at for the rest of her life was Eddie, that would be enough for her. He was the most beautiful human that had ever existed.

"I don't regret anything," she assured him, her thumb running along his cheekbone and he tilted his head into her touch. "I told you, I wasn't waiting because of some virtuous reason. I wasn't waiting to save myself for anything but you. It felt stupid because I thought it would never happen. I felt like I was saving myself for nothing."

"But that one night I came, you and Steve..."

"Yeah. I was going to. I thought I needed to do it to get over you," Dani admitted, "but then you came barreling in the door. It felt like a sign. After our talk the next day, I knew I wasn't going to take that step with him. It just always felt wrong with anyone else. Why? Are you having regrets now?"

"No," he insisted, shaking his head. "Absolutely not. The amount of times I have fantasized about this moment, right here, I can't even count. I never thought we would be here, Dani. I was trying to be okay with that. I knew I couldn't lose you so if being friends was all I could have, then I would accept that. I would rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life at all."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Dani asked.

"The same reasons as you, I think," Eddie explained. "I was scared that it would destroy our friendship. I didn't want to scare you away. I was convinced you didn't feel the same, and I..." He sighed, bringing his hands up and pressing the palms into his eyes. "Dani, I always fuck everything up. I could not handle fucking up with you. I didn't want to lose you. I still don't. I'm terrified that I am going to do something to chase you away. As friends, it was easier, but now, there's so many ways I can fuck this up."