Girl Crush

Chapter 18

 It was Saturday and Dani had not spoken to Steve since the haunted house incident. She had tried to call him multiple times but no answer. She had left multiple messages on his answering machine but no response. She was beginning to lose her mind not knowing where they stood. She really liked Steve and she just needed to know what he was thinking. Did he hate her? Was he done with her?

She knew she had fucked up royally. Her stupid instinct to grab Eddie in her fear had possibly messed up the good thing she had going with Steve. Dani wanted to punch her inner idiot in the nose. What the hell had she been thinking? Instead of turning around and grabbing her boyfriend, she'd grabbed Eddie. She kept trying to tell herself that he'd been in front of her, it was just instinct, but did that really matter? Both Steve and Chrissy looked unhappy about it and of course they would be.

The whole rest of this week had turned into a shitshow. Her and Eddie had argued on Thursday at lunch, causing everyone else at the Hellfire table to look extremely uncomfortable. She had been in a foul mood, knowing she had probably messed up with Steve. Eddie didn't see the big deal. He had argued that they were best friends, so what if she grabbed him in the haunted house. Dani had been infuriated at his complete inability to see what was happening. She'd gone off on him, accusing him of wanting her to be alone and unhappy forever and stomped out of lunch.

She'd wished she could eat her words as soon as she left, knowing it wasn't his fault. But, damn it, he kept messing up everything whether he meant to or not. He was always there, reminding her of what she wanted but could never have. Every time she thought she was reaching the door that was getting over him, he would say or do something that would yank her back. She was trying to let it go. She was trying to move on, to get things back to normal. It was what was best for everyone involved.

Dani had questioned if she was being unfair to Steve, seeing him while she was grappling with these feelings for Eddie. But the truth was, she really liked Steve. Her feelings for Eddie didn't take away from her feelings for Steve. She loved spending time with him. He made her laugh. Just the thought of getting to see him made her smile. He made her feel like she had a chance to be happy, like she had a shot at finally letting go of something that was impossible for her to have. Maybe it wasn't fair. She didn't know but how was she supposed to move on if she didn't have something to move on to? And she could see the potential of something really great with Steve.

She couldn't ever completely let go of Eddie in her life. That would be like letting go of a lung. That would be like cutting her own heart out and tossing it away. He was so embedded within her, such a part of her, that she was certain she couldn't live without him. If she couldn't walk away from him completely, the only choice she had was to force her brain to stop thinking about him in that way.

They had made up. Eddie did not handle the two of them fighting very well and it was no surprise when, after she had avoided him and gotten a ride with Vicki, he showed up at her door Thursday night with chili dogs, mint chocolate chip ice cream, Day of the Dead, and a bunch of D&D figures that needed painting. They worked on the figures while they watched and didn't even mention the argument from earlier in the day. They just ignored it, like it never happened.

He'd crashed at her place. She hadn't wanted to sleep in her bed with him so both of them slept on the couch, their legs entwined. She told herself it was okay. It was just the couch, not the bed, their heads at opposite ends. They weren't doing anything wrong.

Friday, she had spilled everything to Robin and Vicki at lunch and Robin had looked both amused and appropriately upset for her. She'd assured her that she hadn't screwed everything up with Steve, that he was a very understanding kind of person. She just needed to assure him that he was the guy she wanted.