Girl Crush

Chapter 25

 Dani slowly trudged up the stairs, feeling like she was walking to her own execution. She had been so consumed with what was happening with her and Eddie that she had completely forgotten about Steve. Now, looking at what had transpired through his eyes, she had no idea how she was going to get out of this one. She wasn't even sure she wanted to anymore. She was tired, so goddamn tired of trying to conceal so much, to balance everything, to keep everybody happy. Maybe it would be better to just be alone, forever pining for what could never be, but not having to work so hard to make something work when it wasn't.

She liked Steve. She liked him a lot, and she wished with all her heart that she could love him. But she didn't think her heart had any more room. Eddie was larger than life and he had consumed every inch so she had nothing to spare. Maybe she'd get over it one day, but until then, was it really fair to string someone along in the hopes it would happen? Especially someone like Steve who deserved happiness. She hated herself for what she had to do. It was the last thing she'd ever wanted to do to him, but she knew it was the most fair thing to do. She couldn't keep holding onto something just because she wanted it to work. The longer she let this go on, the deeper they would both fall, and the more they were both going to get hurt.

Stepping in the doorway of her room, she saw Steve, sitting on her bed, clutching her stuffed horse in his hands. He didn't look up as she approached, his eyes focused on the glassy brown eyes of the cuddly toy. Dani swallowed hard, swearing she could hear the ping of the fracturing of her heart.

"You enjoying some quality time with Barracuda?" Dani queried, sitting down next to him.

Steve's eyes met hers with confusion and she couldn't help but chuckle as she reached over, gently removing the horse from his hands.

"I was really into the band, Heart, when my dad got me this," she said. "I was obsessed with horses and he took me to this place for riding and they sold these in the little gift shop. I begged him. My dad had a really hard time denying me anything. Anyway, Barracuda was my favorite song. I listened to it over and over. It used to drive him crazy. He would beg me to play anything else. But, anyway, that's why the name."

"I can understand that," Steve said softly. His lips formed a tight line as he looked around her room. His eyes fell on the corkboard covered in pictures, most of them her and Eddie. "So, that was pretty intense."

"Yeah," she agreed, playing with Barracuda's legs, flopping them up and down. "Eddie can be pretty intense at the best of times so when he's upset or angry...he's kind of the king of temper tantrums."

"Dani, I think we both know that was more than just Eddie having a temper tantrum," he whispered.

"Steve..."

"Listen, I have tried really hard to ignore how weird you and Eddie are," he explained, his hands gripping his knees. "I kept telling myself if he was a girl, I wouldn't feel the way I was feeling and that wasn't fair. So, I sucked it up and I tried to ignore it. I told myself you were just friends and I was just seeing things that weren't there because I was being insecure. But that fight...you guys in front of his van, I can't ignore it any longer. I'm not just seeing things."

Dani felt like she was cresting the hill on a roller coaster. She wanted to cover her eyes so she didn't have to see the drop. She felt her stomach roll up into her throat as she plummeted toward the ground, completely unable to stop what was happening. This was it. She had to be honest with this man. Steve was so wonderful. He didn't deserve this. Just because something was perfect didn't mean it was working. He was perfect but no matter how hard she wanted it, she couldn't make this work.

"It's not what it looks like," she began.

"I am going to say that's bullshit," he stated. "Dani, I know what I saw. That wasn't just two friends having a fight."