Girl Crush

Chapter 24

 Dani sat on her bed, her guitar propped on her lap. She had tuned her Dreadnought because it had been a while since she'd picked it up. Then she had spent the last two hours working on a song. The urge to write this song was so strong. It had been haunting her for days, the lyrics and melody swimming around in the back of her brain but not coming to complete fruition until last night.

Since Eddie had taught her how to play guitar their freshman year, she found it to be a form of therapy. It was the best way she expressed herself. It was her version of keeping a diary, a way to get out all the thoughts and feelings raging within. It was also what she lost herself in when the world was getting too loud and difficult around her, when the walls felt like they were closing in.

Steve had brought Dani home last night. It had been pretty late by the time they finished up bowling and she had been relieved to see her mother's car in the driveway. It gave her an out from having to make a decision she no longer wanted to make. She wasn't going to invite him into her bedroom with her mother there. She explained this to him, expecting that he would obviously be disappointed. To his credit, Steve didn't make a big deal about it. He was completely understanding. He gave her a sweet good night kiss and headed off to his car.

Dani wanted to get Eddie's words out of her head. She wanted to lock them in a box where they couldn't haunt her anymore. She wished she could do the same thing with her feelings too. Was she sure Steve was the one? She had been so sure that she was but then Eddie swooped in and with a handful of words, he shattered her certainty like a sledgehammer crashing into a glass window.

She knew she had to let go. She knew she needed to get over Eddie but it was proving to be damn near impossible. She kept pushing the feelings down and they kept clawing their way to the surface. That's why she was writing this song. Dani had tried to ignore the words and music dancing through her mind because if she acknowledged them, she would also have to acknowledge her feelings. But now, she was hoping that if she finally got it out and wrote it, it would leave her alone. She was hoping this would be some kind of release, letting it out from its cage to be free and fly away. Far, far away where she would never have to think about it again.

Watching Chrissy and Eddie last night, the bits and pieces of melody and lyrics that had been pinging around her brain suddenly came together to form a complete image of a song. As she watched Chrissy, her arms around his waist, her cheek pressed against his back, the decision to finally put her thoughts to paper and instrument was out of her hands. As she watched Eddie pull her into his side, pressing his lips against her head, the song kept knocking against her brain, insisting she do something about it. They had been pretty cozy last night and Dani had been itching to get back home where she could finally get it all out once and for all.

All she wanted was to be happy for Eddie, to be okay with his relationship because it was what he wanted. All she'd ever wanted was for Eddie to have everything he deserved. If there was anyone who deserved joy and love in their life, it was him. She wanted to be happy with Steve, to finally be willing to give herself over to him. It was what Steve deserved, and wasn't it what she deserved too? Didn't Dani deserve some happiness as well? She had to hope this would work.

Holding her pen in her mouth, she strummed the melody she had been trying to perfect. Every now and again, she paused to jot down more lyrics, the words coming easily now, flying from her brain to the page. Softly, she sang along as she strummed, testing the combination to see if it worked or if she needed to adjust anything.

Her bedroom door flew open, banging against the wall and rattling her bedroom. She jumped, her pen flying across the room and her notebook sliding open to the floor. She gripped her guitar tightly, snapping her head around to find Eddie standing in her doorway. He placed his hands on the frame, swinging the front half of his body through the entry, grinning at her.