Us Against All Odds (En)

state penitentiary

It is an ungrateful evil, empty and lifeless like a desert. It is an evil that steals hearts, souls and memories.

Nicholas Sparks

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It had been a little over two weeks since Maya dropped that bombshell 'I have to go see Lane in prison.'

After talking to Carina she had contacted Diane, she had an appointment with her the following week on the schedule, but she needed an earlier appointment, the next day, she needed to talk to her, to tell her the conclusion she had reached, how she had reached it. That she had told Carina everything about herself and that she was sure that seeing Lane was the next step in making her feel better. To shut up her old demons.

Besides, that night, after she'd said all that and Carina had spoken up, they'd spent the night continuing to talk. They had spent the night continuing to talk. Maya had told other passages of her childhood and her adolescence, they had even ended up laughing about certain situations. Carina also told about her youth, about her father's tantrums, about her parents' fights, about stories with Andrea and when she sang for him at night, or about their mother. Then she had ended up telling one of the happiest memories she had with her brother when they were young, to lighten the mood.

And around two in the morning she had told her. Except for the investigators, she had never been so much in the memory, so much in the detail. And she had even managed to cry. Not that that was the point, but to see her wife so affected, touched, saddened by what had happened to her, to see her so affected, she had let go in turn.

It had been the most honest moment of both their lives. They had opened wounds that they would not have opened with anyone else. Told moments that at the time might not have seemed to affect them to keep a cool head, but in reality had destroyed them a little more.

After telling this ultimate memory, if you can call it that, Carina had asked Maya to touch her, to touch her as only she knew how. She had just told the part of her life that hurt the most, the most shame. And she didn't want to remember the day her wife had finally opened her heart to her, like the day they had ended their conversation with that, that part of her life.

She wanted to feel that she was in control. And compared to what she had experienced, she needed to feel willing, and with Maya she had never felt forced to do anything. Yes, she liked to make love, she liked to make love with her wife, and she wasn't ashamed of it because they had tried to make her feel worse about loving women. But she didn't love women, she loved Maya and she needed to feel that her wife, the one she loved more than the air that kept her alive, didn't have a different vision of her.

She liked sex, a lot, she wanted to try new things, and bring a new dynamic every time they did it, but tonight no, tonight she needed to feel that she belonged to Maya and that she was safe in the arms of her captain, that she was safe with this woman.

They had made love, the one they made only in the great moments, like the one when Maya had asked her to move in. That night it was not a question of driving the other crazy, tonight it was a question of the two of them. The two of them together, forever. So they had made love, taking their time, enjoying every caress, every moan, understanding what was behind every exhale, behind every movement of the pelvis. It had taken a long time, but after the end of the day, the evening and the night they had spent, they had both needed this moment. Another way to get completely naked.

No matter the past of one or the other, this was their future. Both of them. They wanted children, they wanted a life together. And it was as if tonight, with this outpouring of feelings, of truth, they had sealed the pact that said that from now on there would be no more fear, no more fear and no more secrets.