SOUR

'I dont want your sympathy,'

milli.

Five minutes ago I was fine. But now, at 2 am, I'm bawling my eyes out again. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm on my third can of whatever alcohol sunwoo keeps in his room, or the fact that I remembered that Mj and I will really not be okay tomorrow.

When we would fight, or he would mutter something under his breath to me, I would reassure myself knowing that time would fix everything. But this isn't something I can't fix, no matter how much I want to.

"I just don't understand how he could have done this!" I cry, using Sunwoo's blanket on his bed to dry my tears.

"AY get off my bed!" Sunwoo says, who is equally as drunk after just one can.

"But I'm sad and lonely and nobody will ever love me as much as I love them," I sob dramatically.

"Ugh fine." Sunwoo grumbles, he's watching me from the other side of the room going through all the stages of grief. Luckily I don't know how much of this he'll remember since he seems so out of it. He's staring off into space as if his curtains are talking back to him.

"You're a guy," I turn to him, setting a can on his nightstand. "Why would he do that??"

"I'm a guy, but I'm not a dipshit, so don't expect answers from me." he crosses his arm.

"He's not a-a dipshit," I wail.

Sunwoo laughs, "You swore!" He points and teases.

"Shut up!" I groan.

"You're so mean when you're drunk," Sunwoo laughs.

"I have a right to be mean." I say. "What if I just do that?"

"Do what?"

"I just become mean to everyone."

"You could never."

"Yes I could. Breakups can do that to people." I say.

"You'd feel too bad to insult people." Sunwoo answers. "You'd just cry."

"That's not true," I say, though I'm still crying.

"You should go goth, I'd like to see you try." Sunwoo says.

"Well maybe I will!" I say defensively.

We stare at each other and Sunwoo cracks a smile at me. I'm upset that I'm drunk, because maybe I would remember what his smile looks like more clearly.

"Have you ever seen Mj that mad?" He asks.

"Huh?"

"I mean has he ever gotten that angry with you?"

I shrug. "Maybe once or twice. I try to forget the fights we went through."

"Wasn't that scary though? He looked like he was going to.... I mean he just seemed so off." Sunwoo hiccups.

"Yeah." I say. "He'd do that a few times. Stand up straighter as if he was going to throw me out the window or something."

"Why would you put up with that then?"

"Because the good times outweighed the bad. And that's how I like to look out on life." I tell him. "Why, were you scared?"

"Pssh. No."

"Really?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"This isn't about me."

I laugh. I sit up and the room spins. "Sometimes I wish he could be more like you."

"...me?" Sunwoo hiccups again.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because you're... I don't really know. It just seems like you're honest. You don't try to be someone you're not. You're not hiding anything, so I'm not scared of you." I explain.

"So you were scared of him?"

"Sometimes." I admit. "But I.... I've been through worse. I never thought he could actually hurt me."

There's a long pause, and for a second I think Sunwoo might pass out. But then he says, "I'm sorry, by the way. That he did hurt you. And him misinterpreting our situation is no excuse for him to do that."

"... thanks." I say. "That really means a lot." And it really does.

I sniffle again and then I groan. I pull his bedspread over my head. "I don't want to think about it anymore. I thought getting drunk would distract me."

I hear the sound of feet shuffling closer to me, and then I feel him lay down beside me on the bed. The weight shifts and there's a sudden feeling of warmth.

"There's a fun game I like to play." Sunwoo says.

"Like in your head?" I ask, still under the blankets.

"No, you idiot, like a game." Sunwoo says. "Have you never played a game before?"

"Nope." I say. My voice is muffled.

"Damn what a sad life." He says. "Ok we'll start you off gently then."

I mumble something.

"Come on, I don't want you thinking about it anymore." Sunwoo nudges me. "I've run out of nice things to say when you cry."

I pull the sheets off my head and I'm filled with surprise at how close he's laying to me. I can see his individual eyelashes from here, and he's holding his phone but staring at me.

I clear my throat. "What game ?" I ask.

Sunwoo hands me his phone. I prepare myself to have to kill someone or race somewhere, but there's just a cat on the screen.

"What's this?" I ask.

"Animal Restaurant."

"How do you play?" I ask. Sunwoo suddenly becomes filled with liveliness. He explains the directions, memorized from the heart, to me and points at what to press and who to hire and what to make.

Once I even hear him giggle. It was soft and barely audible, but I felt the tickle against my ear.

Eventually I figure it out, and while I play Sunwoo watches from next to me. I can sense him begin to get sleepy.

Suddenly he says, "you smell like peaches."

I freeze. I feel something in my stomach. I think I might be sick from all the alcohol but it's not that. It's something else. My face feels warm too.

"T-thank you." I blush when I stutter.

"Mhm," Sunwoo closes his eyes. I feel his shoulder relax next to mine, and his phone in my hands dims, since I've been watching him for so long instead.

His breathing becomes steady, and I know he's fallen asleep with that drunken pink blush across his cheeks.

I wish I saw him like this more. I wish she hadn't made such a deep crack in his heart.