SOUR

'I miss you'

sunwoo.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were going to be here, I swear." Sola says.

I can't even bring myself to look her in the eye. It's not that I hate her, or that I think she's the worst person on this planet. It's that I don't. I'm afraid that if I look her in the eye I'm going to see my best friend. I'm afraid of what I'll say. Will I curse at her? Will I be angry or will I give up, and forget everything that happened?

Being unsure of where you stand with a person is the worst, especially when they're right in front of you, because it's forcing me to make a decision that I've been putting off for a year.

I answer with a shrug, and I sit back down in the booth, mentally shaking my fist at Milli. The biggest betrayal of the century.

"Look, I...." Sola turns around to face me. I haven't even gotten a good look at her yet, but I know she's changed. She holds herself with more confidence, she's cool, she's less paranoid about people. She's changed and left me behind, though I already knew that.

Sola takes my silence and doesn't stray away, just like when we were little. I never was able to scare her off. She sits down across from me and clears her throat. "How is everything?" She asks hesitantly, like she's afraid of my answer. She knows me too well.

"Fine," I say. "How is... how are you?"

"I'm doing good, my parents are letting Hyunjae and I rent out their place since they're gone all the time. School's good." She says. "I'm glad you're here with someone. Milli seems very sweet."

"...why are you here?" I ask. The question sounded less mean in my head.

"Hyunjae, he had to use the bathroom. Or something." She says.

"No, I mean why are you sitting here with me? Why are you even in the city?" I ask. "Why now?"

I jump at the chance to look at her while her eyes are down.

"...I'm, I don't... I don't know. I'm drawn to be here." She says. "I mean we were best friends for more than 10 years and just like that we weren't. And I know--I know that's my fault and I'm sorry. I don't expect you to jump for joy when you see me but... I still care about you. I always will, so I guess.... I guess I was just wanting to make sure that you're okay."

She raises her eyes and it catches me off guard. She's looking for anything, any sign that I might let her in. In one way I have changed since she last saw me, I got better at hiding what I feel.

My silence is killing her. And anyone else at this point would have stood up and left. But not Sola, that part of her will probably never change. That gives me some satisfaction. But I'm a petty asshole, and I want more. I want her to say it out loud.

Maybe she sees the flicker in my eyes. Or maybe she just truly knows me too well, because she adds, "I'm sorry, for not loving you in the same way. I'm sorry that I could never return that to you, and I wish I did. I wish I could go back and...." Her quiet voice trails off.

But that's enough. Hearing her say that is enough for me.

"If you could go back would it have been different?" I find myself asking.

Sola meets my eyes. And I see what I feared I would. My best friend. Though it's not nearly as scary as I thought it would be.

"If we went back to high school and I had been more honest about my feelings, or you hadn't met Hyunjae, would it have changed?" I ask. I'm not asking her because I still like her. I'm asking because I know her answer, and I want her to know too.