SOUR

'I played dumb but i always knew,'

sunwoo.

I see that hesitation in her eyes. I know the note isn't from Mj though. It's something different—something she really can't just forget about. I understand, though, not being able to let something, or someone, go. So I won't pressure her.

"You hungry?" I ask, and she peels her attention off of the roaring waves.

"Yeah," she smiles. She smiles as if she weren't about to cry her eyes out just now.

"Good. I'm freezing my ass off out here," I say.

We turn around to leave and as we walk, she does something. I feel her arm wrap around mine, linking them, even though my hands are in my sweatshirt pocket.

I swallow. Sola and I used to do this, and I guess I misread, all the times we sat close to each other, or when we would sleep in the same bed. I guess that's just what friends do.

So when Milli does this, I don't feel anything. And I sure hope she doesn't either. I look down at her but she doesn't seem to be thinking about it. Her nose is red from the cold and she drags me faster to the car.

I never used to overthink things like that.

"So, where do you want to go? You sure you don't want me to drive?" She asks. I hate that she seems to feel so bad about me doing favors for her. It puts a weird taste in my mouth, thinking she used to apologize to Mj for things like this.

"No." I say. "This is near my home town, so I actually know the directions pretty well."

"You grew up here?" She asks and we get into the car. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah." I say, though it brings up some painful memories too.

We drive away from the coast and closer to where I used to live.

I didn't realize I was driving towards my neighborhood until I see the river separating the city from my town.

Suddenly the clouds cover the whole sky, and I see a few raindrops on the window.

"Shit," I mutter.

"I can drive, if you don't want to in the rain." Milli suggests. I don't answer that.

I keep driving down the road and I turn onto where the bridge is. It's the only way to get to the city.

But the sky is so bright, I feel like I can't see. Then I realize it's not because of the sky, it's because my eyes are getting watery.

This bridge. This night, when I lost my only hopes, fucking up my knee and not being able playing soccer in college, and Sola. When I contemplated just leaving everything behind for this bridge. When she had found me, and I broke down in front of her and pretended like she wasn't the reason for those aches in my chest. When he had driven us across the bridge, and I didn't hate him by that time, but it was just supposed to be me and her. It was always supposed to be that way.

"Sunwoo?" Milli cuts through my thoughts.

My chest feels tight, like I've been running for miles. Maybe I have been, all this time. The rain drops are overpowering the clear window, and I fumble to turn on the wipers.

There's a puddle, and the car skids a bit, and I sense Milli tighten.

"Sunwoo!" She says, firmly this time and any other time I would have looked at her and asked if she were okay, and that we weren't going to crash.

But my breathing still hasn't returned to normal, my hands are shaky on the wheel, and I feel a burning sensation of hot flashes in my body.

I speed up, as if that would make it go away. Maybe if we were just off this bridge I would be okay.