SOUR

'We dont talk much but i just gotta say'

milli.

Sometimes in the back of my mind I'm afraid. I'm worried that I jump at any person who shows the smallest bit of love for me. I become blindsided to their faults, like with Mj. It makes me wonder, was there any possibility of Mr. Young taking me?

"I don't care about Sunwoo, I care about you." He said.

And I don't have the parents to turn to if I ever make a life altering mistake. I was lucky enough to grow up most of my childhood with them, but I still feel like a few years were missing. Becoming an adult all on my own was scary, especially knowing I wasn't supposed to go through it alone. But what's scarier is that I don't know the things they never taught me. I don't know how to tell the difference from love and lust.

I let people walk all over me, and I'd be grateful, because at least I wasn't alone. But when they walk away I wonder how I could have made them stay.

So I stay. I stay and I wait for them to come back because what if they did? I stay on that beach. I stay in all the clubs, in all the classes.

What if I had stayed in that class? What if that door had been locked or that pen had not been on that desk? What if all it took was an 'I love you' because I have been missing years of that?

And still, I know I'm lucky. It didn't go that far. But I think I can still hear his voice, maybe I always will. It's like when you hear the noise in a seashell, or voices in the crashing of the waves. On the beach you're never quite alone.

"Milli."

"Mills."

"Peach."

A sharp pinch on my arm. I sit up, inhaling as if I had forgotten how to breathe.

"Hey. Hey it's okay." Sunwoo's face appears and I focus on him. "I'm here." he says.

I feel myself come back to the present. His room is dark, but I manage to make out the shapes of the bed beneath me and his desk across the room.

"You were having a nightmare." He says in a quiet voice.

"Oh." I test out my voice to see if it still works. My breathing returns to normal and he reaches up and pats the top of my head. "I'm sorry, I woke you up." I say.

"It's okay it was kind of funny." Sunwoo lets out a scoff. "You punched me in the throat and I woke up gasping for air the same way you just did."

"oh my gosh," I groan. "I'm so sorry."

"What were you dreaming about?" He asks.

Silence fills the air. It's a strange feeling, talking to someone in a dark room. You're aware of their presence, and everything around you, but it still feels as if you're asleep.

"I don't really know," I furrow my eyebrows as the memories fade from my head. "Something bad I guess."

"i don't blame you, I'd get a nightmare from talking to hyunjae too."

I laugh. "I'm sure you would."

"If he took you away from me, god he would be in for it." Sunwoo says. He places a hand on the side of my neck and we stare at each other in the dark.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't let him do that." I say.

"Glad to hear it," Sunwoo answers in a low voice. "Come here," He pulls me against his chest and lays down on the bed. I listen to the sound of his heart beat. It's beating quite fast and that makes me smile to myself. "You sure you're okay?" He asks.