SOUR

'I'm so sick of myself,'

milli.

When I wake up I feel as if I drank the other night, though I didn't. I just have a headache from thinking about Sunwoo so much, knowing he's probably not thinking about me.

I throw the blanket off of me and I hear a groan. I sit up with shock, but it's just Kevin. He and Jacob watched a movie in my room last night--something about their room being haunted-- and spent the night.

"Sorry!" I throw the sheet back to him and he returns to sleeping.

Sora has a class today so she's already gone, and when I look at myself I remember that I silently cried myself to sleep. My under-eyes and my nose are red, it looks like I went through another breakup. Does a breakup count if we were never even dating?

I force myself to get ready and go outside for a run rather than withering inside for the whole day. Just as I put my hand on the doorknob something slides under the gap of the door.

I kneel down and I pick it up. It's a beige paper folder with the words confidential written on it. I open it, and inside is a pack of a few papers stapled together. It's an application file to report a teacher or staff for sexual harassment. I flip through it quickly, and on the second page, Sunwoo has filled out the section for the witness already with his signature and everything.

I open the door and I look around for him, but he's gone.

I'll fill it out later.

I write that on my hand so I can hold myself accountable to actually doing it. I toss the folder onto my desk and I go outside and I run. I run around campus where a few people I know wave. Isn't it funny how so much can change inside of you, and yet nobody notices? I still smile back though.

I run for a little less than an hour. I don't stop for water, not for anyone. I think I've reached runner's high, when you feel like you can just keep going forever, and it feels good.

I didn't feel free though, because everytime I saw a boy wearing black or a hoodie I would slow down, thinking it's him. And everytime I saw a male teacher I would run just a little bit faster.

The rest of the day I vow to focus on myself. I go to the library and I read for a few hours, I catch a movie by myself, and I walk around the mall aimlessly. Though everywhere I go there's at least one couple holding hands or kissing. I was never one to hate on pda between couples, but now it's ticking me off a little bit.

It was fun doing all these things by myself, but I can't help but imagine what it would have been like with him here. I miss when he would try to hide his smile, or try not to laugh at something. How he would be so grumpy towards small children and how he drove with one hand on the wheel and one out the window. I miss how I felt when I was with him, even when we were just friends.

The sun is setting now so I head back to my dorm. When I get there, Jacob is attempting to hold the beige folder above his head while Sora and Kevin jump for it.

"I'm sorry Mills, I tried to stop them, but they read it because it was on your table!" He says apologetically.

"oh." I say. They watch me in silence as I shut the door and I hang my jacket in the closet.

"Milli..." Sora says gently. "Why didn't you say anything? I could have had his ass kicked into the next country."

I shrug. "I don't know. I didn't want it to be a big thing, and you guys are busy."

"I can guarantee you Mills, I'm not busy." Kevin says. "And I'm so sorry something like that would happen to you."

"I really wish you would let us help," sora says. "We can get him killed—i, I mean fired!"