a 14 year old girl . Exposed to the consequences of gang love life's .
Kadeja , a girl from east London , the typical London story . On her way to find love at such a young age . Finding love to find herself .. this won't end well.
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wednesday 11th march 2022 11:05am
dear diary,
i never really got over marco.. i still sit back and think about how different this could of been.
me and Omar was in a happy relationship but i was never really over marco and he knew that. this sounds so bad but it should've been him with me.
the day he got stabbed it gives me nightmares. the day his mum found out . the guilt i felt when having to tell her what went on. i physically couldn't speak. sweaty palms and a headache was what i went through.
after that he just ignored me .. blocked everywhere . i couldn't even face talking to him at school.
i miss him.
———————————————————
11.03.23
i brushed my hair repetitively whilst thinking of that day . "dej" i heard kyrone say "in my room" i said .
he came running in with his over worn dead nike trackie. "whatt" i said annoyed . "where's my grey one of this" he said "fuck would i know" i said "don't have a attitude with me or i'll fuck you up" he said and walked out .
dumb bitch.
i got a text from sevyn .
- sevyn
s- hey babe
m- heyy
s- you don't come out with me anymore mann , you okay tho?
m- yeah i'm alright
s- mm okay , we're going out .
m - i'm meeting omar today , can't sorry babe
s- girl your always with him ... don't have time for us anymore .
m- i'm not trying to hang around you know who and he's always there .
s - forget it .. bye dej x
-
i put my face in my palms . "ai dej" i heard . i turned around and omar was there . with flowersss.
"oh my goshhh" i said running into his arms . he kissed my neck adding to the collage of hickeys.
"you eaten?" he said "na" i smiled "come let's get food" he said .
i lost a lot of weight from last year . omar noticed that and always fed me . i love him for that. also i don't have to pay :)
"dej what do u want" he said "i'll just have a burger , i'm not that hungry" i smiled . he rolled his eyes and said " 2 big macs and medium fries please" and whipped the smudged lip gloss from around my lips.
"why this shit so sticky" he said whipping it on his dri fit . "don't mess that shit up. that's the next trackie i'm stealing from you" i smiled and rubbed his cheek. "no the fuck your not" he cut his eye.
the waiter came . she was so beautiful. lightskin with long hair . long ass nails and her body was perfect. "hi , here's your burgers" she looked so confident . "thank you" i smiled .
i saw omar's eyes just on her . "omar.. omar" he was still looking "omari." i said pissed "yo" he said . i got up from the table leaving my burger . "yo bae" he said . and i kept walking until i was out the door .
233 right outside my house. perfect .
14:07pm
i walked into the house, going into my bedroom taking the last bit of weed i had and ran into the bathroom. i put the lighter to the perfectly rolled blunt . and burnt that shit.
there was a bang on the door "DEJA" my mum yelled . shit . i flushed that shit and dashed my lighter out the window . i kept spraying up the bathroom . "KADEJA" my mum yelled .
i ran to the door and opened it.
"see now if you were gonna smoke in my fucking house atleast hide it ." she's said "what ?" i said "your eyes. get out the fucking bathroom." she dragged my arm .
and i ran to my room slamming the door so she couldn't fuck me up.
and i got the idea to renew bonds and text him.a text i'll regret.
-
dymarco
me : marco. 9.01.23
me :marco please. 23.01.23
me- i'm so sorry 10.02.23
me- am i blocked 11.02.23 ——————————————————— m- marco ?
dymarco- yo
me - can you come over?
dymarco - sn
-
shit he responded . this is gonna get me in trouble .
