𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝, 𝐜𝐞𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐜 𝐝𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐲

fifty-eight.

58. LOVING SOMEONE IS A FEAR

TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, depression, dark thoughts.
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        HAVING FEARS, and a lot of them, was not one of Thea's favorite qualities about herself. But, most of her fears connected to each other. She just didn't want to lose the people she loved! Thea learned a long time ago that when you love someone, that's another fear you add to your soul. However, Thea never had a reason to be afraid of her loved ones in danger or dying.

Now she did. Harry Potter, of course, somehow got his named pulled out of the Goblet of Fire! Thea's brother. He was fourteen and going to compete in the wizard world's deadliest competition. Great.

To top it all off, the love of her life, Cedric Diggory, was also in the competition— Just to add to the stress. Now Thea had two people to worry about.

It's been two weeks since the names were pulled for the Triwizard Tournament and the first part of the competition was still a few weeks away. It was Thea's free period, so she decided to sit in her dorm, alone, and cry. She's been doing that a lot lately.

Poppy and Noelia were both in Herbology, and Eva had Potions— And Thea was here, sobbing with the blanket wrapped around her body like a cocoon. Since the names were pulled, her fear has simply amplified. She was bloody terrified and it was taking over her.

Letting out another sob, Thea wiped her face tiredly. She looked down at her shaky hands, sensing the anxiety run through her veins. Fuck, why couldn't she just stop?

Reluctantly getting up from her bed, Thea walked into the bathroom of her dorm. She reached underneath sink, pulling out her little bathroom caddy. A shaky breath left her lips as Thea grabbed the razor. She was given back her razor privileges once her mental health was improving— Because she needed to shave, obviously.

Feeling fresh tears brim her eyes, The pulled up her sleeve. Her scars from just a few years ago weren't gone, but they definitely better. Some were white, simple lines that decorated her forearms. Others were pink or red, still not quite fully healed.

Gathering all her courage, Thea brought the razor up to her wrist for just a moment. She just needed to feel something else besides fear. The cold metal of the razor met her skin, and Thea pulled down the smallest amount. There it was. Pain. Letting out a pained whine, Thea bit her lip as drops of blood began to drip down her forearm and the frigid air touched the opened wound.

"Oh my god," Thea whispered to herself and her delicate hand dropped the razor in the sink wearingly. She just cut herself. Fuck, fuck, she was clean for so long. She's having thoughts again. She should tell someone. She couldn't do this again. She wouldn't survive it. Tell someone, Thea!