Did i metion

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"Well let's not do that that's how you got yourself into this mess in the first place

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"Well let's not do that that's how you got yourself into this mess in the first place." I sigh tears run down my cheeks. I wipe them instantly.

I fucked up. "Do you know who the father is?"
"There were two guys around that time right?" she says I look at her "Emilio and I used a condom." i say pushing my nose against my knees. A clutter of pregnancy test spread out along the grown.

"Condoms break." She says I sigh.

"yes but him we were carful. However the other guy." I whisper we didn't use protection at all." I whisper with a sadden voice feeling those on coming tears "I'm fucking preggers."
"nameless guy." she says laying her head down on the wall.

She looks at me a hurt frown coming on her full lips. "Don't cry beautiful it's okay." She cups my cheeks wiping my tears "you don't understand what this means. And if I try to explain it then I'll be forced to say it aloud"

I let a mafia boss impregnate me. Stupid girl.
Dumb bunny.
Well earned slut.

"It's gonna be okay alright you don't have to keep it. he didn't force himself-"
"no." I whisper wiping under my eye. She barley knows me and she's being nice. Nice. She's a nice person.

My belly is gonna explode. "At least your boobies will swell up." I look at her as she pokes my cleavage like a marshmallow. I giggle smiling. "Your not alone." She says holding my hand. "I won't let you go threw this alone." She repeats squeezing it and kissing the back of my hand. I smile at her with tears welling in my eyes.

Oh god does she knows what those words mean to me.

She has a thoughtful optimist look in her eyes. I nod my head. "Your one of a kind Lilly." I say to her.

We made a urgent appointment To see a doctor to confirm. And I wasn't exactly ready but I wasn't sure. I could be freaking out about nothing. I mean I have no clue how accurate a pregnancy test is despite what it says on the box.

I look as the gel is placed on my belly with a ultrasound monitor she looks around my stomach "am I?" I whisper hopeful
I couldn't possibly want this.
I'm stupid and I'm not the kind of mother somebody would want to have.

What kind of a mother would I make. I still miss garbage pick up days don't get up before noon laugh when old people and little kids fall. Not babies or toddlers I'm not a monster, but six year olds and up. I make inappropriate remarks. I'm not mature enough for this.

I see the little thing moving inside me. My heart is beating so fast my legs shake. I exhale the doctors wholesome smile twist my head.

I feel the tears pooling and they don't stop.
Lillys there holding my hand like she promised. The doctor nods "there's a baby in there" she confirms I hold my hand over my mouth hearing a heartbeat show far along am I.

13 weeks she speaks the size of a pea pod. "Your in your first trimester."

"Your baby is healthy."

"Your baby doesn't like sushi there's nothing healthy about that." Lilly says under her breath I giggle wiping my tears. My stomach still flat but I'm waiting patiently. For this thing I mean baby...to grow. I can't fully process what's going on inside my body.

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