The Blue Hearted Devil Himself

why?

"You had it." he whispers, his tone getting softer "it" speaking of the baby. Emilia.

"her" I say his eyes shut he grips her pacifier tighter in his big hands. my lips part at the sudden wave of emotion perhaps anger, no i know that know to well. this is new. well i haven't seen him in a while it me "her name is-"

"I don't wanna know her name." my lips purse in frustration. hurt that the anger he feels in his throat when he talks about my child like she's narcotics.

"why?" i murmur softly "it's best if i stay detached from her and you for that matter.'" His voice is chillingly calm. "Then why did you come here Colten?" i ask

"You know I'm a sociopath." I've made jokes I didn't actually know were true. "You don't feel emotions'' I say quietly "sociopath not a psychopath" he says, seeming like an expert on the topic. i imagine he is i don't know the difference he licks his lips i pull my feet on the counter under my thighs sitting criss cross applesauce "so you don't feel empathy" i whisper "i feel it it's not like you feel it though" i look at him tilting my head. Meaning what i wonder but don't voice it.

"Is it genetic?" I wonder if Emilia may have it. I think I'd be able to tell. "your daughter doesn't have it" he says rather confidently. I bite my lip "how can you be so sure."

He's quiet; "it's the way I was raised." I'm a little confused. I scratch my head, straighten my shoulders and lips part "you were raised to be a sociopath?" I ask softly, feeling guilt in my stomach. "It wasn't intentional, just a bonus."

i swallow "that doesn't mean Emilianna isn't a sociopath-" i cover my mouth forgetting i let her name slip "you aren't cable of of raising a child the way i was raised." he says and i sympathize feeling so guilty. "i was sexually abused as a kid i get it i'm not ask you to talk about what you went threw but i know-" i start but Emilia's voice chimes in "Mommy?" Emiliana's tiny voice carries and he inhales.

He shakes his head, his body stiffening and I bite my tongue "i'm gonna go" he says heading for the door. I walk after him grabbing his arm softly and I peer up at him, the back of his hair shorter. He looks taller and just as beautiful as the last time.

"Are you coming back?" I ask him softly sound more desperate than i meant to. just a soft voice i used with him sometimes to usually get what i wanted. "I will eventually." he says before leaving out the door "mama?" she hollers again worry in her little voice. i stand in shock.

daddy's home.

Emilianna wobbles in the living room and I walk over to her. I lift her up and she sighs her head resting on my shoulders. hey i speak to her sweetly. I kiss her "back to bed baby." I say I check her pull up. She's potty training. I lay back in bed trying to process all this information. My dad? Why now and what the actual hell.

I stayed up all night not prepared for anything.

not him.

he's back in my life' my daughters life he's trouble he's bad and he's my daughters father. Dad's in my case do better when they stay away. I couldn't imagine Colten as a father.

but then again i couldn't imagine myself as a mother, i pray Emilianna will never go through anything i did. I saw an email from my landlord. 'Rent due this Friday' with nothing else. With all this money I should visit the bank and save a few hundred wondering what the hell daddy wants. The sun is rising and I'm getting out of bed, turning on the shower, getting ready for work. I put my hair in a braid and pulled my low cut top over my white tank top layering since it's winter. I pull on black tights and grab a mini skirt with boots and earmuffs.

I lift Emilia up, bundle her up, and rest still. I put her in a stroller opening my door. I glanced at the broken elevator. I used the safe way to get downstairs with the stoller and Emilia in one arm. I made my way downstairs. I opened up the stoller placing her inside. I wrap her up to a dog I've never seen before tied to the door handle of a car. I lowered my eyes. He's a big dog. well behaved. Emilia remains asleep.

im spooked seeing Colten i exhale his lips pinker than usual his nose a little red too.

I gave him a short smile "I thought you'd be more prepared for Suncrest living in New York." i say he's in a dark long coat tall looking twice as pretty in the light his big lips are pursed.

"I was hoping to catch you before you left."

"I'm walking to the post office, you can walk me." I say he nods discreetly looking around.

I tilt my head smiling. I walk beside him pushing the stoller Emillia's buried in blankets safe and sound. her face fully covered protected from the snow

I look at him and his face is so serious "Emilia." he repeats. I look at him well . I heard it once and I thought it was pretty "out of all the pretty names in the world you pick that one." He says the wind coming out of his mouth a flashback of him smoking a massive cigar flashes in my head. in the club i'm sitting on his lap mildly high off weed. i end the flashback

"what would you pick?" I ask in an overly charming voice and I flash him a smile. "Katerina" he replies with a devilishly handsome smile . My heart does something stupid i see the problem with my ex's so bad we didn't even date and I'm already losing my heart again. "naming my daughter after myself. I don't like myself that much, Colten." I resort glancing down.

"i.. i missed you." I say softly "I mean i had this little one to keep me company but i-"
"your father wants-" he smiles falls instantly fathers quite a term for a man I never even met.
"are you working for him or something why do you keep bringing him up" I ask ignoring him completely "He told me to come in contact with you." I halt "That's the only reason you're here?''

"you don't wanna check upon your kid or the girl you saved from being forced into prostitution" his lips tip into a thin "i already told you-"
"blah blah blah- that's bullshit i'm not buying it." "not buying what?"

"That you only came here because some man is claiming to be my father and if so messages received alright if i need another man in my life to disappoint me i'll give you a call." he backs off with that i exhale the overwhelming feeling in my chest is bringing tears to my eyes i glance a Emilia she's awake and still half asleep.

"you hungry baby?" she nods i hand her a bottle kissing her tiny hands in the mittens. i stand up seeing a man. he looks oddly familiar i remember seeing him yesterday at the mall.

i look at the ground. my heart quickens at that thought. i zone out this could have anything to do relax your not being followed. its a pretty big city. i try to not remind myself of the sick feeling in my gut. he wont come back.

but you shouldn't care because trouble follows him like a puppy.

yeah and so did i.