The Razor's Edge [[Feitan x Reader]]

29: The Spider's Visit

TW: Mentions of rape
   AN: I've gotten a lot of comments recently about this fic having too much SA and I just wanted to speak to this. I myself am actually a survivor of SA and writing similar experiences and letting my mc work through her trauma and be allowed to heal has helped me work through a lot of my own trauma. It was really important to me to be able to write this whole experience more realistically than what I'd seen in other fics—where the mc is completely fine after the traumatic event—so that other survivors like me might feel more validated in their healing processes instead of being left to wonder why they're struggling to bounce back as easily. I'm sorry if mentions of SA make you uncomfortable, but, to me at least, wanting these themes to be eradicated from fiction feels similar to silencing the voices of the victims and sweeping the issue under the rug. SA is a real issue that deserves attention and deserves to be something that we can talk about so we can better protect the survivors from feeling shame over a situation they never asked to be a part of in the first place. I feel that I haven't been very graphic with my writing of the SA scenes and I have given warnings so that you guys have the opportunity to skip them if you'd prefer to. I hope you can understand how frustrating it is to be getting these kind of complaints from you guys after you have seen these warnings and chosen to continue reading anyway. All this being said, I do love y'all and I'm so happy and thankful that you're here. I ultimately don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, so, while I don't plan on writing any more scenes like these, please don't hesitate to let me know if there are any additional ways I could accommodate you in the future without having to also sacrifice writing for myself. Thank you <3
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   "I remember you, you know."

It was my second week in Akira's homemade prison.

The spiders still hadn't come.

I was staring to think maybe they wouldn't. I mean, they'd told me before that they never valued the individual above the group. Maybe they thought it was too risky to come for me, so they'd decided against it? It wouldn't be a huge loss for them since I hadn't been a spider for very long. I could understand it if it were Machi or Shalnark in my position—but me? Not a chance. It'd be a lot less trouble to just find a replacement.

But still, I had hope.

Akira had decided to allow me to have 'outside time' every couple of days, so long as I was accompanied by Muiri. It reminded me just how impossible the thought of escape seemed. How far could I realistically get before Muiri put me to sleep? She could do it whenever she wanted, she didn't even need to catch me first. I didn't stand a chance of getting away so long as Akira controlled her.

"You remember me?" I echoed, trying to understand what she meant. "From what?"

"From Zaban city. You were a few years ahead of me in school, but I remember seeing you around," she said. "I remember thinking how sad you always looked. Quiet people tend to notice things like that."

"Yeah?" I stretched my legs out and ran my hands through the grass around me. "I guess maybe I was. Things weren't great back then. . . not that they're any better now."

She bit her cheek. "I'm really sorry." She said. "I just want you to know that I'm really sorry for what's happening to you. You don't deserve any of it."

I knew that even without her having to say it. I saw the way she looked at me. There was pity behind her eyes—yes, and plenty of it—but there was something else, something stronger. It was regret.

"Why do you help him?" I asked.

She looked surprised, like she'd never expected me to ask. "Why?" she repeated.