The Razor's Edge [[Feitan x Reader]]

35: The Unexpected Guest

It had been a little over a week since Feitan and I had admitted our feelings to each other. A week since I'd realized maybe Akira had more of a hold on me than I'd originally thought. Now Feitan and I were back to avoiding each other.

Or, rather, I was avoiding him and he was being surprisingly respectful of my boundaries. For so long, he'd been going out of his way to treat me poorly and let me know that he didn't care how I felt, but now here he was actually exercising patience and waiting until I was ready to talk.

Was it out of character or was this just who he really was deep down? Though there was always the possibility that he'd just felt really awkward after what had happened between us and didn't know what to do now and so was waiting for me to make the first move.

That was certainly less romantic and therefore seemed more like him than the alternative theory.

The troupe had spent the week looking for information on Chrollo's whereabouts, but to no avail. Wherever he was, he was travelling without leaving a trace.

Shalnark was at the library again, convinced that there had to have been something that he'd glossed over, some little clue that might lead us to Chrollo. Phinks and Feitan had gone with him.

I opted to stay behind at the base and do some training with Machi and the others. I had been working hard all week and still felt no closer to gaining control over my ability.

That was, until that morning. When I closed my eyes, I felt Poe take over, but this time instead of blinking and waking up after it was over, I could see through her eyes. Everything was red, like I was looking at the world through a lens, and there was a sharp ringing sound in my ears. It was so unbearable that I only lasted a few seconds before giving up and letting Poe have full control.

I woke up screaming in my bed. The afternoon light was filtering in through the curtains. It had been awhile since they'd moved me into my room after a training session. I wondered how long I was out.

"Your ability has gotten much more powerful since the last time I saw it~" a familiar, chilling voice said. "I knew you had potential~"

I looked up to see Hisoka standing at the foot of my bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm waiting for Shalnark to come back. I think we might be able to help each other."

"You're looking for Chrollo too, right?"

He smirked. "What a perceptive girl~"

He didn't mean it. Everyone knew that he was looking for Chrollo. He had gone to fight him the night that he'd lost his nen and was working just as hard as the spiders for him to get it back. Even though he was technically helping, it was for his own benefit. He wanted to kill the boss, but it wouldn't be any fun for him to do it when he was powerless.

My head snapped to the right as my bedroom door swung open. Feitan was standing in the doorway, his bloodlust rushing into the room as his eyes narrowed on Hisoka. "Out," he demanded.

His harsh tone didn't seem to affect Hisoka, who only gave an amused chuckle as he looked between the two of us. "It's rather rude to barge in like that, don't you think? Who knows what kind of compromising position you might have caught us in~"

Feitan said something in his native tongue and balled his hands into fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

Hisoka loved that he'd gotten under Feitan's skin. "Don't worry, I was just leaving. I'm guessing that the golden boy is downstairs?"

He brushed past Feitan and disappeared out the door. Feitan closed it behind him before turning to me.

"You okay?"

I nodded, sitting up. "Yeah, i'm fine. Nothing happened, he was just saying that stuff to mess with you."

"Not what I meant. You pass out again during training? Machi was worried."

"Oh, yeah, but it's no big deal. I feel like i'm actually starting to make progress toward being able to control my ability. I'd like to go back downstairs and try again if—"

"No."

I was taken aback. "No?"

"Shouldn't push yourself too hard."

I scoffed. "Are you serious? You're saying that after all of the intense training you've been putting me through?"

"Was different."

"How was it different?"

"Needed to train your ability to shorten your recovery time. Couldn't pass out for hours after each time you used your nen. Made your ability impractical for missions."

I hated to admit it, but he did have a point.

"I just want to get stronger. I want more control. You don't know what it's like to wake up after a fight having no idea what you've done."

He sighed and crossed the room to sit on the edge of my bed. "Have an idea. Can be blinded by rage sometimes. Destroy everything around me. Can't help it."

I hadn't considered before how our abilities were similar in that respect. Poe couldn't discern between friend and foe, she would just start attacking anyone who'd been in contact with my nen. I hated not having control over who I killed, but Feitan certainly had it worse. His anger was like a bomb, threatening to harm anyone in its path.

I reached out to place my hand on his, but decided against it at the last second. I had been avoiding Feitan all week. Maybe my comforting gesture would be unwelcome? I'd honestly felt terrible for the way i'd been treating him, but I didn't know that I was ready to be around him yet. I didn't want to keep leading him on by putting him through so many false starts. He didn't deserve to get hurt because of what I'd been through.

I dropped my hand on the bed and began mindlessly bunching the comforter under my fingers. Feitan had noticed the way i'd kept myself from reaching for him. He could tell it was what I'd really wanted. So, he pried my hand away from the comforter and held it in his, running his thumb over my knuckles.

"Thought you hated me now," he said as he admired the way our hands fit together.

"Hate you? Why would I?"

He kept his eyes focused on the movements of his thumb. "When you look at me. . . only see him. That's why you ignore me. Don't blame you."

"That's not. . ." I was going to lie in an attempt to comfort him, but thought better of it. He wouldn't believe it anyway. "It's just going to take some time to figure out what I can handle." I squeezed his hand. "This is fine."

He finally looked at me, giving me a small smile. "Will do more of this, then." He stood up, keeping his hand in mine and using it to tug at my arm to drag me out of bed and to my feet. "Well enough to go downstairs? Don't trust Hisoka, but don't want to leave you."

Honestly, my legs felt a little unsteady as my feet connected with the floor of my bedroom, but my curiosity was willing me to go downstairs. I had to know if anyone had made any progress in finding Chrollo. So, I nodded and followed Feitan out of the room.

~~~~~
A/N: Hey y'all! I'm sorry it's been so long since the last update, but life has been hectic! I was at Katsucon this past weekend, so I was pretty busy with cosplay stuff leading up to that. I was between cosplaying Feitan or Shizuku for the hxh meet up, but went with Shizuku and I was so upset bc there weren't any Feitans!! There was a Phinks and a Shal all by themselves! I could've completed the trouble trio! Ah well, maybe next con :'(
I also just quickly wanted to say I can't believe how much attention this fic has gotten since the last time I updated. We reached #1 in the hunterxhunter tag and are now over 16k reads and that's all thanks to you guys! You're so awesome! I love y'all and am excited to get back to updating more regularly for you! <3