The Razor's Edge [[Feitan x Reader]]

32: The Aftermath of Disaster

   Things were slow back at the base.

   Or, at least, they felt that way without Feitan. A few days had passed since we'd returned from Akira's manor and he still hadn't woken up. Machi had told me that, at this point, she had done everything that she could, but he had still lost a lot of blood before she even had a chance to use her ability on him, and now it was up to him whether he lived or died.

   I didn't find that very comforting.

   I had spent my first day of freedom travelling to Zaban City to find Muiri's parents. Phinks came with me. The troupe wouldn't let me travel alone in case Akira was already looking for me again, plotting how he'd get me back. It killed me to not be there with Feitan in the off-chance that he might wake up, but I knew I had to help Muiri's parents escape before Akira found them. Time was of the essence.

   They didn't believe me at first when I told them that they were being hunted. Really, they didn't seem to believe a lot of the things I said to them. That was, of course, until I gave them Muiri's locket. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when they realized what it meant—when they realized that their daughter wouldn't be returning home. I wouldn't wish that sort of pain on anyone, let alone these two, who seemed just as kind as their daughter had been.

   I convinced them that they had to head for Meteor City if they wanted to disappear. Phinks told them about a man there, a preacher who used to look after the troupe members when they were children. He said that this man would be able to help them stay hidden.

   We got back to the base pretty late that night. I didn't go to my room, but Feitan's. He hadn't woken up while I was gone, not that I really expected him to. I pulled a chair up beside his bed and leaned over him, folding my hands in prayer, begging for his recovery.

   Old habits die hard, I guess.
  
   I feel asleep sitting beside him that night. I stayed by his side all of the next day as well. Phinks came and went, too, always recanting some story about their days back in Meteor City, or times they wreaked havoc together on troupe missions. He didn't show it, but he was struggling even more than I was.

   The next night and day went by the same as the first, but on the third night, as my eyelids slowly began to droop under the weight of my exhaustion, I was jolted awake by the feeling of a strong grip on my wrist. Feitan's cold, grey eyes bore into me.

   "This is real?" He asked. "You are real?"

   "Um, yes," I replied, confused by his question.

   "The mission was success?"

   "Yeah, for the most part."

   "And now you are sitting in my room?"

   "Y-yes?"

   "Now that you're safe," he said, letting go of my wrist. "Do not feel bad about calling you 'idiot.'"

   My anger flared in my chest. Three days of worrying about him—of praying for his life and refusing to leave his side—and this was the first thing he said to me when he woke up? He went right into attack mode?

   "Idiot? What the fuck did I did to deserve that?"

   He shifted his body so that he was sitting up against the headboard. "Let yourself get caught. Knew you had to be careful and still played into his hands."

   I scoffed. "It's not like I meant for it all to happen. He tricked me."

   "Should have seen through it. Knew his ability."

   I shot up from my chair, driven by my sudden rage. "Yeah, but how could I know that he'd pretend to be—" I cut myself off, biting my cheek. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to admit that Akira had used my own feelings against me—and, not only that, but had understood them before I did.

   Feitan urged me to continue.

   "It was you."

   I turned away from him, heading for the door. I worried that if we kept talking then he'd realize how I felt. He'd taunt me mercilessly once he knew.

   He reached out to stop me, grabbing my hand and pulling me back so that I landed next to him on the bed. I hoped he couldn't hear the way my heart started racing at his sudden proximity.

   "Why me?" He asked.

   I'd expected him to be wearing a mischievous expression, having already figured it out and ready to use it against me, but that wasn't the case when I looked at him. His features were softer than usual, his eyes pleading.

   "He must've seen us together at the auction. That's why he chose you to lure me away from the base."

   It was only a half lie. It was true that Akira had seen us together and knew that Feitan's was a face I'd recognize, but he wasn't the only spider that he'd met. He just as easily could have posed as Phinks, or Machi, or Shizuku, but he didn't. He knew that I'd be most likely to trust Feitan, and that it would hurt me the most to find out that it wasn't him.

   Feitan shook his head. "No. More than that. Used my face to torture you, right? That is why. . . when I came for you. . ."

   He couldn't bring himself to say it, but I knew what he meant. Akira had put on the same act every day: pretending that he was Feitan, there to rescue me, and then using his face to hurt me. It had driven me mad, making me hate the sight of him. And, when the real thing finally happened, I didn't believe it.

   I nodded.

   "Must have thought I meant something to you."

   I didn't respond. I was frozen in fear as Feitan treaded dangerously close to the truth.

   "My fault, then," he said, dropping my hand. "Sorry."

*****

   I slept in my own room that night—for the first time since I got back. Feitan didn't watch over me like he usually did, but I thought that I could feel the presence of his en through the wall that separated us as I fell asleep.

   He didn't wake me up the next morning to train like he often did, so I went to check on him. There was no answer when I knocked on his door. I waited for a few minutes and eventually figured he'd just gone downstairs to join the rest of the troupe.

   "Good morning, y/n!" Shizuku beamed as I entered the main room. She, Machi, and Nobunaga were sat in a circle, drinking coffee and playing cards.

   "Hey," I smiled back. "Have you seen Feitan? I figured he'd want to get right back into training."

   "He asked us to take care of it," Machi said, not looking up from her cards. "He went to the library with Shal."

   "He did?" Shizuku asked. "For what?"

   Machi gave her a look that lead me to believe they'd already had this exact conversation. "Our information on the boss's whereabouts is a month old, so Shal has to update his research."

   "Ohh," Shiku nodded, putting a card on top of the pile, "that makes sense."

   I couldn't help but feel guilty. The troupe had put off their search for the boss to save me. If it weren't for me, Chrollo would be back already.

   "Hey," Machi said, as if reading my mind. "The boss is fine, okay? He knows how to handle himself out there."

   I nodded, though I didn't feel any better. Though I'm sure it wasn't Machi's intent, her words only made me feel like more of a liability.

   Nobunaga sighed and threw his cards on the table. "Are we gonna get training, or what?"

~~~~~
A/N: Hey, y'all! I had a lot of fun writing that Shalnark one shot, so I think I wanna write some little Valentine's scenarios for different hxh characters too! Let me know who you'd want to see them for and i'll post them under a separate work :)
Thanks again for being here! <3