Ain't nobody messin' with Mama Muffin

Conclusion

You were submerged with sadness, you were trembling, crying and breathing with difficulty. The fact that they learned, all of them, of your past life, was terrifying. You couldn't quite explain why immediately, but previous-you, also called the Cat, had thought about it. After all, he was the one having a panic attack right now.

The situation you were living was what It feared the most. It had made countless efforts to change a future that could've saved himself, and the reward was the connections It had made with the characters. But now that they knew It had lied to them the whole time, approaching them because It idealized a person they weren't yet at the time and It manipulated them, what was left?

But you, the freshly arrived fan, was completely external to that problem. At most, it was a bit disappointing, for you might not meet personally the tokyo revenger characters, but apart from that, it did not matter at all. You were the reader you used to be before your death, the person behind the screen who was able to put down the phone or close the computer any time, with little to no struggle. 

But it was impossible for body to understand it, to calm down, for it was being controlled by the Cat, and you were but a mere spectator seeing everything happen from the inside.

And your sister was there, trying to console you, giving you back rubs, muttering comforting words claiming that everything was okay, and that from what she could understand you saved them, so they couldn't hate you even after this, could they? She ultimately decided to run into her bedroom to get you a blanket, leaving behind, perhaps to run faster, a book on the triangle table in front.

It was the thing she picked up previously, you noticed through the tears, the item she took a second before attacking Shinichiro. Your intuition was telling you it was one of the notebooks, afer all what else could it be when the Cat's reaction to it was to panick even more.

Asta came back and put the blanket over your shaking and inconsolable form. "Is there anything I can do for you?", she pleaded, kneeling down next to you, adjusting the blanket so it could cover you completely. 

Between sobs, and god was it a hard thing to do when eighteen years of desperation were coming out all at once, you demanded another slap. Asta grimaced, grabbed and lifted your head with her left hand, you had you head inside your arms and right above your knees after all, and slapped you again, with as much strentgh as the second time.

You held your breath, it was painful, and the pain helped you concentrate. The following morning you would explain to your sister the thought process that occured during those two minutes of free will.

Just like after a hard day, the night is welcomed, It wanted to die. It was an evidence, you knew it from before. It was the reason of your supposed 'anorexia', it wasn't the exactly that condition, but it did share common points with it; 

1- Your poor diet was followed to prove you had control over yourself (or that you regained control over yourself, it opposed to before where you suspected you had to force yourself to eat)

2- You were insecure about yourself, that you weren't good enough

3- It was killing you slowly ( but the difference with anorexia was that you were completely aware of it)

Obviously, it was still present. It did not completely die when you had amnesia, a part of It was still present and you could still remember some things.

The conclusion was easy to make : you needed another near death instance to fully erase the problem.

And so when the short instance of self-control vanished, you did not cry, you did not tremble, you simply stood up and walked towards the bathroom. The sudden calmness of your being made your sister let you walk away, she followed you from behind though, making sure you would not harm yourself.

You went to the bathroom upstairs, leaned to turn on the faucet full towards the cold water, all while making your body covered the scene so your sister wouldn't know the water was going to be icy. You straightened up, turned around and announced you were going to take a bath, then asked your sister if, considering you wanted a precise temperature, she could take half the ice from the fridge while you'd go search clean pajamas. 

Asta, confused by what was happening and having no control of the situation, easily agreed to your request. You quietly thanked her as you went and searched for the clothes in your room. Just as planned, you came back to the bathroom before her, closed the door and started undressing. you had only taken the top out though when she knocked on the door. 

You asked her to let it outside the door, but she demanded that you'd let her enter and check that there was no blades or any sharp objects in the bathroom. Which each word, each step you would become more and more exhausted, but if you acted weird your plan would not result, and you might even lose any other opportunity of a near death experiencein the future. You calmly answered that you'de be alright with that as long as you could take the ice in the bathroom and enter the bath first.

Relieved by the fact you accepted the inspection, your sister gave you her permission. you slightly opened the door, grabbed the ice, closed the door and turned around to face the bathtub. It was half filled, but it was okay because you needed no more than that. Because opening the ice packs would produce too much noise, you let them down in the water carefully.

Now you only needed to take off your pants and get in. but your eyelids were so heavy and your eyes just wanted to close and you wished for it to already end and you weren't thinking this through since if you did you would oppose yourslef to it so you just, took off your shoes and went in half-naked, half-dressed.

The water was so fucking icy you exhaled during ever bit of the immersion. When your face was only part of you still dry all the air had left your body. You called your sister inside, and submerged your head entirely, eyes open because fuck everything and you wanted it to hurt.

You counted up to ten, then raised your head out of the water. You blinked a few times to be able to see well, the water filling the bathtub was a bit too loud, to next to your head, but moving was to much of a hassle; you stayed there.

Asta, who checked superficially the bathroom before opening the cabinet door under the sink, finally notice something was wrong. You saw her stand up straight, fix the water and slowly understanding that the water flowing wasn't hot, and that all of the ice she had given you was on the bathtub. Her eyes widened, she quickly got close to you and put her hand into the water, and as she expected, it was icy. She frowned and started screaming at you for being so unconscious of the consequences of such a thing and asked you if you wanted to die or what, all while she dragged you out of the bathtub, yelled that you had no idea how worried every day they were for you and that they only wished for you to be happy so if you could ask them for help they would do anything she meant it, as she covered you with a towel and emptied the bath.

You gathered your last forces to grab her head between your hands, action which silenced her, tell her it was all under control, then grab your dry pajamas waiting for you and walk into the bedroom. You changed quickly, and threw yourslef on the bed. Your sister then entered, facing the cushion, you asked for one last favor.

Anything, she said, as long as it does not harm you.

"I'm going to have a fever, could you take care of me, please?", you pleaded, for during a moment your realized that if it didn't work you might die, "I swear it'll be over after."

"Over how?", she asked with a trembling voice.

"In a good way", you reassured, slowly drifting into sleep, "I'm going to have a happy ending, I swear."

The only thing you remember after was your sister putting you inside the covers while promising you she'd be there for you.

You tried to smile, but you had no idea wether you could do it or not, and wether she saw it or not.