Ain't nobody messin' with Mama Muffin

Saving the kicking is nice but you have to get up first

The whole notebook alternated between self-hating sentence, notes of what was currently happening, and information over what was supposed to occur, in the definite but also the alternate timelines. Occasionally there would some notes worrying over how much you loved them or how they were starting to think you were strange. Most of it was a mix, though, self-hating notes would reveal they thought you were weirdly well connected with a lot of people. The current events were opposed to the theorical future you had altered.

On the early pages for example, there was a mention of Kazutora's 14 birthday, in 2004 then, which got celebrated by his friends (Toman's captains and Mikey). His day had started with his mom wishing him Happy Birthday (you had casually texted her saying that today was the big day, and you mentioned it was good that you had started speaking with her) and his friends threw him a surprise party after school (because it was a thursday) but Mikey arrived a bit late and it was Shinichiro who drop him off (because Mikey's bike was under repair). You justified writing about Kazutora's birthday in Shinichiro's notebook with the fact that he wished Kazutora a happy birthday upon leaving, and then you contrasted it with the fact that Shinichiro should've died last year.

Then a while later (june 2005), not long after the mention of the time capsule (and it's location, which is, what a surprise; Musashi shrine), you read that in fact, you insinuated the idea to Hakkai, using Yuhuza and Shinichiro; 

'Mentioned to Shinichiro how fast time was passing, he agreed. Casually added,that sometimes I wished I could go back in time, and just live everything all over again, it would be nice to have  time-machine. Shinichiro mentioned the photos I've been taking all this time, I answered yeah the problem with them though is that I have so many and I just don't know what to do with them, the majority of them are recent so I don't particularly look at them. Hakkai looked like he wanted to say something, Yuhuza elbowed him slightly to make him talk, Hakkai mentioned, maybe they could, 'cause he had heard of it, hum, make a time capsule? This precious boy. I'm going to note it down on Yuhuza's and Hakkai's respective notebooks.'

And then you wrote that most of your actions being calculated and acted out with the intention of manipulating your "loved ones", were you better than ex-Kisaki (because the current Kisaki was a cinnamon roll, poor boy just needed some friends)? Both of you were faking who you were and controlling the people around you to get to your objective. Could you even call yourself their friend? 

 Earlier you had mentioned that you were keeping an eye on the relationships between the gangs (Toman, Tenjiku, Black Dragons) but everything was good, after all, Shinichiro was there to watch over Mikey and Izana. And then you asked yourself, on the notebook, if that meant you were useless now or what.

 You then checked the end and there was a resumee of everything (principal actions) from 2004 to 2006, the year in which you left, got run over (again) by a vehicle

In 2004, Chifuyu met Baji and Kazutora (who was Baji's vice-captain while Ryusei Satou was still part of Yotsuda Kaidan but it was a nicer, healthier, version of the gang) and you got attacked by varrious gangs all at once. All the birthdays went well, and you were able to manage the money (you received from  your family) well.

In 2005, a year a bit more eventful, you watched Takemitchy more closely than before but nothing happened (after everything that had changed it was to be expected but you were still cautious). Kiyomasa created a fighting ring, even though you hinted at him that for his own safety he shouldn't but you disbanded that anyway, and officially (with just a little bit of manipulation) met the rest of Takemitchy's friend group. 

You kept an eye on Moebius and prevented them from doing anything by defeating Osanai, but it was just a precaution because Kisaki wasn't with them anyway (although Osanai was still trash, it wasn't like he did not need a good slap). Kyomasa did not stab Draken and there was no fight between Moebius and Toman. 

Takemitchy did not become part of Toman and had pretty much no contact with them in anyway (now you did give fighting classes to his friend group and that's the closest they are to being delinquents, they also declared themselves protectors of Mizo Middle School). Valhalla never existed because Kisaki is a sweetheart, he studied what interested him (he was going towards anthropology, economy and politics but at that moment was still exploring what he wanted to be) and occasionally joined your fighting class with Mizo Middle Five (who appreciate Kisaki). You caught him a lot of time texting and calling your sister, but you weren't able to get more information about it, although you had to admit you didn't search more. 

Bloody Halloween never happened, Baji is alive and Kazutora not in prison but you cried that day while hugging them and they thought you had gone crazy (you also noted down that you had a harder time controlling your emotions). No problems on Christmas with the Black Dragons and you even spent the holiday with the Shiba family.

You paused for a second and stared at the wall in front of you. 2005 was the year the manga should've started, in other words, if you were to think like past-you, it was the year where past-you could confirm wether the efforts worked or not.

Now for 2006, there was... nothing. You frowned for a second wondering if nothing happened on that year or what, then thought that maybe you couldn't make the resumee because you had lost your memory (and left the notebooks in Japan) when the year hadn't finished yet.

You wondered whether to keep reading or not, then decided to read, why not, one more page. Only one.

 You went to the first quarter of the notebook, but then the first thing you saw was your writing saying that you were glad there was no deep connection with anybody, after all you had planned on becoming that one-person-you-don't-mind-and-that-magically-always-has-a-solution, which meant you could just leave and people probably wouldn't really care and honestly you felt more and more like living/disappearing.

And then you thought that maybe you didn't need to keep on reading, that it was enough for today, well tonight, so yeah. 

So what were you going to do now? Your sister was asleep on top of you (partly), there was nothing in the room, so if you were to get out of the bed, what could you do? Well maybe use the bathroom, it wasn't urgent at all, but getting up would be refreshing, and then washing you face or maybe not considering you were clean (you felt like it at least), or maybe just drinking a glass of water, that'd be nice.

Having decided to get out of bed, you crawled out of your sister's and the blanket's embrace, and when at the edge of the futon, you rolled out to the ground.