𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑘𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑙𝑦.

*20*

-E.R

I've never been in love. From a distance, love seemed ok, maybe even admirable. There were things that admittedly I couldn't get without love, but having seen the down part of love has ruined my perception of it whole. As amazing as it looked it was just as bad.

My mother had spent her adulthood trying to earn my father's love. It was a constant battle for an idiot who didn't even look twice her way. No matter what she did his eyes wandered elsewhere. No matter how many times mother told me he wanted me I knew that it was a lie. The moment he got his heir, a son to run everyone, was the moment he packed up his things and left. He started a new family without a y second thought about his old one.

And that, is what truly destroyed my mother.

When he left she changed, not in the way you'd think though. Her motherly tendencies and the love she held for me were stronger than anything but her heart was shattered from ever making another connection. She believed that she was an unloveable person, someone who wasn't worthy of finding somebody. She never got a chance to realize her worth before she was murdered in cold blood.

Essence knew my parents didn't work out, but what she didn't know was how one-sided their relationship was, and how my mother was used without any mercy. I had no intention of telling her the truth, she shouldn't have hate for someone who loved her enough to take her away from this life. He wanted more for her. He loved her more.

Love is something that I run from, I can't welcome something so dangerous into my life. It was a weakness that could ruin me- and that was just one reason.

When my mother died it felt as if my world had crumbled into a million pieces, the person I loved the most in this world was gone, gone because of this lifestyle, a lifestyle she didn't have a choice in joining, I couldn't allow myself to be the reason someone dies, especially someone that I love.

I walked into my house with fury running through my veins. I never get this mad over anything, I never allow myself to feel anything. It made me angrier that I even let myself get to this point.

I entered the basement and became welcomed with a bone-chilling scream. It almost made me shoot the owner of it right there and then. Jackson and Xavier looked my way when I reached the last step, they stood in front of someone who I believed to be one of our best men.

And just like that, another reason- followed by many- to not fall in love. Betrayal. Unfortunately, I'm his business we see a lot of it. No one is ever truly loyal. It was only a matter of when we'd find out. Rule number one. Don't trust anyone.

"He's been gathering information on us and the Lorenzo's, it all in here, he's been reporting it back to Antonio Lopez" shit. Antonio Lopez was the leader of the Spanish mafia. He was determined to overrule me and Killian. Together we were the most powerful mafias in the world. Nothing and no one could over fear us, but it didn't stop Antonio from trying. A few days after the twins were born the Spanish mafia started making their move, our trades were stolen and multiple alliances were crossed. It wasn't a coincidence.

Antonio had a family of his own, a little boy the same age as the twins, his name unknown to the underground world. The safety of his family didn't seem to matter as much as the power did. I almost felt bad for the kid. He was playing a risky game.

"And why would he do that?" I placed my hands on my knees so that I could get a better look at the man kneeling before me. His hands were out on his thighs as a sign of begging for forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, I swear to you I will tell you everything I know about them, please don't kill me. I needed the money. He- he- he's a monster" he called out between sobs. I could hardly understand him. Little did he know he was already dead to me. It was just a matter of time before he'd actually be dead.