𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑘𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑙𝑦.

#32

-D.F

I stand on the sand with my bare feet and shoes in my hand. I wiggle my toes against the sand allowing them to get in between my toes. I hadn't come to the beach since that night with Emilio. I've been meaning to come back but with my schedule piled up, I had no time.

I had left Dalia at my house, she fell asleep on my bed after hours and hours of talking. Thankfully, she said she'd watch Spear while I go have a 'mental health walk', whatever the hell that meant. One thing I was sure of was that I trusted her more than I trusted Jen, and that says a lot.

I had so much on my mind that a walk was much needed. Air was much needed. As much as I love Spear, I needed to be in a place without him. It was either Spear or work, now without a job I'm going to be stuck with him twenty-four seven. All though it gave me a sense of security knowing he was with me and not someone else, I also felt like I was drowning in a never-ending pool of water.

I walked closer to the ocean and found a perfect place to sit that was not too close to the tide. It was enough for me to be able to see the waves form into small brushes of water against the sand.

To think that my life had changed so much in the span of a week let alone a month, was overwhelming. The pressure on my chest was so heavy that my breathing was extra energy.

I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I was wearing a long sleeve but it was too thin. Thin enough for me to shiver from the breeze that brushed past me every two seconds.

Everything seemed extra gloomy lately. I'm not sure if it's just my point of view on things but every aspect of life had been followed by something sad or dark.

"Mind if I join?" I gasp so loudly that the person behind me apologizes. I turn my head and see Emilio standing above me looking down. Of course, he had to be here.

"What are you doing here?" I asked ignoring his question from before.

"Came to think" he shrugs, "I told you about this place, seems understandable that I might be here no?" He seemed smug with his answer.

"I guess so," I look back to the ocean and place my chin in the middle of my knees that touch. Suddenly a weight goes all over my body and I realize he has placed his jacket over my back and shoulders, I was engulfed by the large piece of fabric practically drowning in it.

Now here we sat, at the same ocean we sat at plenty of weeks ago except this time my feelings on Emilio were completely different. Though I couldn't figure out if they were good or bad, I still sat here willingly with his jacket around my shoulders. I continued to leave my arms out huddling my knees to my chest to suppress all the warmth in my body, there was a prideful feeling at not entirely put on the jacket. Maybe I was just being petty.

The tide was far but with every wave it became an inch closer. I diverted my attention from the golden view and slowly took a glance at Emilio. His legs were crossed and his hands were placed in the middle of his lap. The bone in his twitched as he clenched his jaw every few seconds.

Hair kept blowing across my face but being too cold I ignored the strands. His face was even more glorious than the view in front of me, and holy hell was it a view. I almost hated how beautiful he is. I was supposed to be mad at him, I am mad at him.

I inspected the dark circles under his eyes, and the stubble forming along his jaw, I cursed my mind for being so curious about him and stared back at the ocean exhaling sharply as I did.

"Not sleeping lately?" I just couldn't shut up, could I?

"It's not a new thing" he mumbled quietly, so quiet that I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to hear it. From the corner of my eye, I could see him look down to stare at his hands.