The Love They Never Had: The Nam Mansion

Chapter 8: Dodba (Help)

"Young Master? What are you thinking about?" "She handled herself really well...she wouldn't have been able to do that before." "Didn't the physician tell us that due to her lost memories, it is inevitable that her personality would change?" "Has it though?" "Excuse me?" "Her personality hasn't really changed, she is just as shy, sweet and kind as she was before. It is just that her temperament isn't the same anymore, she isn't as docile as she used to be." "What are you thinking about?" "She...sometimes when I spend time with her, I feel like she hasn't really changed at all. Only her face has." "How would you know? You barely look at her when you do spend time with her." "I..." "What is it?" "Something is different. Something has changed, I just have no idea what it is." "Young Master?" "Never mind, just stay close to her for when she needs you." 

I tried to bury my head into my books after that, but the issue just kept bothering me deep down and it wouldn't let me be. Yeon had changed for the better I had supposed, but there were now limitations between us that I was putting up and I had no idea why. For Yeon? Why was I guarding myself around her? She was the most innocent person in my life, so why? Why couldn't I look at her face yet? What was I scared of? And I knew she loved to read books in the past, but I had no idea how intelligent she was. I had no idea how artistic she was, how eloquent she could be, how much she makes me laugh with her facial expressions just like her brother always did. We could even debate about all sorts of topics for hours on end...I didn't have this with her brother. We were close that was for sure and we spent a lot of time together, but we were men and we didn't really...talk. But with Yeon being a girl, I didn't seem to have that problem. In fact, she was much too easy to talk to and that scared me. In the current situation that we were both in, I could not talk to her and I shouldn't. I haven't told her about her brother, I did tell her briefly about her parent's passing but for some reason, I wasn't truthful about her epilepsy and I didn't know why. But it was far too late for me to say anything about it now and it was my fault. I was so wrapped up in trying to find a way to get Hwi out of my father's sight that I temporarily forgot about Yeon and how she would react when I sent soldiers to pick up her brother and put him on the first ship to Liadong. There was nobody to catch her when she had her fit for the first time and now she couldn't remember anyone at all.I was about to partake in my first war, I finally had the chance to prove myself to my father and the world that I was more than an illegitimate fraud and I had major plans for my own future to think about afterwards...so why couldn't I get this girl out of my head?

"Bother? Brother? Can I come in for a few seconds?" "I...I told you not to bother me unless it is important Yeonnie, you know I have to start packing and..." "I have already packed for you." She replied swiftly as she made her way into my study without waiting for me to let her in. I could only bury my face in my books to hide the guilt that I felt every single time that I heard her usual cheery voice whilst still unaware of everything that had taken place. "Excuse me?" "I only came in to tell you that I have already packed for you so you can focus on your studies more." "What...I..." "Well, I couldn't expect you to do such a mundane task when you have more important things to think about, especially when you don't seem to use the servants that you have around you. Which is unusual..." "Look, you..." "...But I'm sure that you have your own reasons. So. You need to eat all of this before you leave and don't even think about leaving out a single grain of rice, or I'll be very upset. You are already quite skinny for somebody your age to be honest." "Excuse me?" "Can I ask you something?" "What is it?" "Why are you such a strict diet? You train all day and read for the rest of the day and you aren't even eating enough to sustain your body..." "well it isn't any of your business!" I snapped, I couldn't help it, I just did. Was she watching me? Why? It wasn't like I watched her? Nobody in this home cared about me so why did she all of a sudden? She couldn't even remember who I was and...and she was the first person that muddled my thoughts together. I couldn't think clearly around her and it was starting to throw me off. No matter what had happened between us, I still needed to move forward with my plans and goals so I could protect her and find her brother.
But I still felt bad about me snapping at her so I turned around to apologise to her, but she had already turned around and left before I could even say anything at all. I felt bad enough to follow her to her quarters, but she had shut her doors for once. So I tried to go back to my own quarters but for some reason, my feet refused to move. I had only a few minutes before my father came home and maybe I could catch a break from all of these doubts. Which was ironic due to the fact that the woman who resided here was the one who clouded my thoughts.