The Love They Never Had: The Nam Mansion

Chapter 10: Jaebalhada (Recur)

I really had no idea what had come over me when I said all of those things that I did, it was like I was momentarily possessed by the person that I used to be. How could I have possibly had the nerve to tell my senior what to do? And why did I get so angry at him? I must have completely lost my mind this time and could only hope that he didn't hate me too much. As much as I wanted answers for my past, I couldn't do it without him, no matter what...tensions we had between us that even I couldn't understand. But the Young Master had locked me in, and as far as I knew, the banquet was still going on. So I just tried not to bother him so much but at the same time I felt bad about just eating their food, dressing in their clothes and just living there without earning my keep, so I did at least continue to serve them tea throughout the day. And before I knew it, I was taking every chance I could get to observe him whenever I could. He was a very self-managed man; trained all morning, studied all night and drank even later into the night until morning. But he was lonely; he had no one here to ask after him, to make sure he was eating well or if he was warm at night or someone to heal his wounds. He was clearly somebody who poured his heart and soul into everything he did, although he didn't have anybody by his side to spend his time with here. But all I seemed to do was either make a fool of myself since I found it hard to talk to him properly...or I made things weird between us. Every time I talked to him our bond felt stronger but yet we had to keep our distance between us. I thought I could handle it at first, but as time passed I found myself wanting to be around him more and more. I thought it would be to observe him purely to regain my memories but...but there was something about what had happened between us that wouldn't let me rest. Why didn't he tell me off? Why didn't he push me off of him? Why didn't he punish me or accuse me of seducing him like everyone else did? Exactly how close were we? If I didn't get him to answer at least one of these questions then I could never rest in peace and just focus on trying to survive under this roof for as longs I could. But there was no way for me to escape with the guards patrolling the only door that I had. I could only wait for Dal to show up and find some way for me to sneak out and apologise to the Young Master before he went away for god only knows how long. And when he finally arrived, the very first thing that I did was to go into the kitchen and make him tea and some snacks to hopefully appease him. I only stepped outside of the kitchen for a minute to fix my attire, only to come back to the kitchen and see that my tray had been taken away by a maid that I had never seen before. She looked to be younger than me and she was certainly very pretty, but there was just something about her confident demeanour that peaked my curiosity. So I followed her, only to have my heart sink into my stomach when I realised that she was really going into the Young Master's study.

"...I shall return to my work in the garden, Young Master..." "my father's courtyard is already full of flowers, but I lack some in my own quarters. I will talk to your Master and have you stay here to serve me. You may even become my concubine if you are lucky enough."Turn back, turn around and leave him alone. Stop worrying about him so much, he is a fully grown man who has taken care of himself so far. No matter what happens between them, is it none of your business. He is within his rights to have...female entertainment and you are an epileptic orphan with nothing to offer. He only favoured you so you could help him and you know it. Who knows what will happen between you when he comes home after the war? Just let nature take its course and turn around now, do not forget that nobody in this world can truly look after you like you can alone. "...Thank you, Young Master. Then my arrangements..." "you may return to your Master for now, or you may stay here tonight and I shall talk to my father." "Do you need anything else, Young Master?" "I will call for you if I will, don't you worry about that." The way he was conversing with this woman was unlike anything that I had witnessed before, but I had only been here for a short while now, so what did I really know about him? And I had no idea why it was upsetting me this much to the point where I felt tears running down face, but I had to get out of there before I made a fool of myself. The very last thing that I needed was the Young Master to change his mood again and rub this in my face...but yet again, this move of his just didn't make sense at all. It didn't take a genius to know that the Young Master didn't, couldn't and wouldn't trust anyone, so why would he lower his guard to take on a lowly maid as a concubine? That he probably just met today? Why was this man such a mystery? Why couldn't I read him like I read everyone else so clearly?